When your child says hurtful things to you, it's usually an expression of frustration or loss of control. Parents often forget that kids are communicating with brains that are not fully formed. The mean words are their way of expressing feelings rather than describing their actual feelings about you.
There are many factors that can contribute to a child feeling angry or expressing anger in challenging ways. Unresolved feelings, such as grief related to a divorce or the loss of a loved one, can be the root of the problem. A history of trauma or experiencing bullying may lead to anger, too.
“You're a bad mom”
Kids are often quick to say this phrase when they don't agree with a decision a parent made or when they're not allowed to do something that everyone else their age is doing.
When your child says hurtful things to you, it's usually an expression of frustration or loss of control. Parents often forget that kids are communicating with brains that are not fully formed. The mean words are their way of expressing feelings rather than describing their actual feelings about you.
Luke adds that "the most psychologically damaging thing you can say to a child is a lie that they find out later was not true. If this pattern repeats enough times, it will be very psychologically damaging."
Feelings of sadness, loss, or emotional extremes are part of growing up. Conflicts between parents and children are also inevitable as children struggle from the “terrible twos” through adolescence to develop their own identities. These are normal changes in behavior due to growth and development.
Teens pull away from their parents due to a biological instinct to separate themselves in preparation for adulthood. If a teen pushes their parent away, it is often because they feel secure in the relationship and therefore take it for granted temporarily.
Blaming you for everything is how she is trying to assert herself. Self-respect can make or break you. If your daughter is low on self-respect, she may resent you for what she feels about herself.
Without demeaning her, find ways for her to see the perspective of the person she is mean to. Calmly ask her how she would feel if someone said or did to her what she says or does to others. Her response may be calloused, but don't let that frustrate you. Over time, this exercise will build her empathy muscle.
Children often use opposition and negotiation to cope with the lack of control over certain aspects of their lives. Whenever a child argues about everything, then chances are they feel like they don't have control over anything, and arguing is their attempt to gain some autonomy.
Tell him that you expect him to be considerate towards others, even when he isn't fond of them. Avoid being harsh: When a child is mean, a parent's first reaction is to scold and punish. Yelling or punishing your child will only intimidate or humiliate her and make her feel angry and resentful.
A toxic mother-daughter relationship is a dysfunctional relationship that can be detrimental to your physical, mental, or emotional well-being. It can manifest in various ways and is not something that just develops out of the blue.
Traits Of A Healthy Mother-Daughter Relationship
The mother-daughter duo recognizes and respects boundaries. They make reasonable commitments to each other and come through on them. They accept each other the way they are rather than forcing them to conform to a particular set of ideals.
Dysfunctional mother-daughter relationships can come in many forms. Often it can take form in criticism, where a daughter feels like she's constantly getting negative feedback from her maternal figure. Sometimes, it can take the form of detachment. “Some women are simply not close to their mothers,” says Wernsman.
As strange as it sounds, negativity and complaining are ways your child manages their anxiety. When your child complains, they feel better because they're expressing themselves and venting their worries and fears. If you don't react to it from your own anxiety, your child will eventually move on.
The most common toxic behavior of parents is to criticize their child, express self-wishes, complain about the difficulties of raising a child, make unhealthy comparisons, and make hurtful statements1.
What Are Toxic Parents? Toxic parents create a negative and toxic home environment. They use fear, guilt, and humiliation as tools to get what they want and ensure compliance from their children. They are often neglectful, emotionally unavailable, and abusive in some cases.