From an early age, men are conditioned to believe that expressing their feelings is out of character with the male identity. Doing so can ruin their image of being strong and stoic. Specifically, men are told that crying in front of other people will threaten their masculinity. The same can be said about mental health.
The first reason is simple: Men often aren't encouraged to talk about their feelings. In fact, they're sometimes discouraged from doing so. Additionally, men often tend to shy away from vulnerable conversations. “It's a little social, but it's also a little biological,” Vossenkemper explains.
Basically, boys are more sensitive than people realize, so they prefer not to open up in the first place. They need to confirm a lot of different things before they'll open up their heart.
The simple truth is that guys are afraid of getting hurt. They may have experienced it in the past and are trying to avoid it in the future. They fear that by showing their feelings too quickly, they will scare away their partners or destroy what they have with them if things don't work out.
In a relationship certain people can identify as "avoidant," meaning they have a tendency to shield their feelings from their partner. The reason behind this behavior is firstly to avoid burdening a loved one with personal worries, and secondly to self-protect from vulnerability.
You can always be direct and just ask him about his feelings for you. Be straightforward and come to the point and make him realise that he can be honest with you and express his feelings for you without being judged or critiqued.
You know a man has feelings for you when he slowly tries to include you in his plans. It's no longer about hanging out or having a date. You'll notice how much he tries to invite you into his world. You'll meet his friends, family, even workmates.
Being weak or being perceived as weak – one of the biggest fears for men, as they tend to believe they are not supposed to be weak or even to be perceived as such. Being irrelevant – fear and stress in wanting their lives to mean something.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
Guys fear that being in a relationship will alter their lives, no matter how little. And frankly, let's face it, being in a relationship does change one's way of life on some grand level. Especially if it is a committed one. The fear of this change scares the hell out of several men.
He's Afraid It Won't Work Out
Committing involves risk; you are essentially taking a plunge, and investing energy in the relationship. Some people feel that it's not worth a try unless it's 100% certain it will work out.
“A man will commit when he feels a deep connection with a woman that he doesn't feel with anyone else; when he finds a lover who is also his best friend that makes him feel special and unique,” Tripp says.
There are only five basic fears, out of which almost all of our other so-called fears are manufactured. These fears include extinction, mutilation, loss of autonomy, separation, and ego death.
Here's the reality: Most men are never “ready” for a relationship… not until they feel the magical feelings and experiences with a woman that tell them “Hey, this is the woman for me.” “For a man, the connection he feels with a woman early on can have nothing to do with whether or not he wants a relationship with her.”
“Fear is a natural and biological condition that we all experience,” says Dr. Sikora. “It's important that we experience fear because it keeps us safe.” Fear is a complex human emotion that can be positive and healthy, but it can also have negative consequences.
We are born with only two innate fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds. A 1960 study evaluated depth perception among 6- to14-month-old infants, as well as young animals.
Causes of fear of rejection
The fear of rejection is usually due to low self-esteem and low self-confidence. If you consider yourself less attractive, less qualified, or less interesting than others, you will always feel like you don't deserve the chances you want to take.
He Doesn't Know How to Be Vulnerable
Your guy may have a fear of love simply because he doesn't know how to be vulnerable. That may be because he put up his wall after past hurts or because he's only had casual relationships that didn't require vulnerability and trust.
In plain language: Men often feel most loved by the women in their lives when their partners hug them, kiss them, smile at them, and explicitly offer gratitude, praise, and words of affection. Men also feel loved and connected through sexuality, often to a greater degree than women do.
When he's falling in love, everything is likely to become about her. He can't stop thinking about her and would rather be spending time with her than doing anything else. He may feel scared about the relationship and where it's headed, or he might just have a comfortable feeling about the entire thing.
When a man is confused about his feelings, his behavior might be erratic. He might make you feel desired and give you all his attention during the 'hot' phase. Then he may pull away just like that and act cold when he feels like he's catching feelings for you.