Behind the facade, however, narcissistic individuals often have a fragile self-esteem that is likely to crack under any pressure. The narcissist's need to defend his or her fragile sense of self can be especially acute during the divorce process, where each spouse's conduct is likely to be scrutinized and questioned.
Narcissists can fight exclusively with only their own needs and demands in mind. Punishing you for leaving them and/or filing for divorce may be at the top of their agenda, and making life harder for you in any way possible services their need for vengeance.
Finding out you want a divorce can also make a narcissist feel like they have failed, which could cause them to lash out. They will likely retaliate by trying to belittle you, expose your flaws, and show the court why you “were never good enough” for them.
In recent years there has been an explosion of cases in which there has been reference to Narcissistic Personality Disorder, known as NPD. Divorcing a narcissist can be an extremely challenging and complex process, both emotionally and legally.
One way to outsmart a narcissist in a divorce is to try to anticipate their next move. You can do this by taking what might seem like extraordinary measures to protect yourself. For example, this might mean talking through a map of all possible vulnerabilities that you have.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
For most of us it's the memories which keep us attached to someone and unable to move on. The narcissist doesn't have this problem. Their brain hasn't stored those memories in the same way so they can quickly move on without the attachment.
As a narcissist is motivated by self-interest and a desire for power, they may see financial gain as a reason to stay married to their partner. This could include maintaining access to their spouse's income, assets, or resources, or avoiding the financial consequences of a divorce settlement.
In fact, research has shown that nearly 60% of all marriages to narcissists – male or female – end in divorce.
Narcissists typically settle down in monogamous relationships only if their partner has the ability to keep the narcissistic supply flowing freely. Partners are often viewed as “trophies” and proof of the narcissist's ability to “bag” an attractive or successful partner.
Narcissistic collapse occurs when a narcissist's ability to uphold their grandiose, confident image is threatened. As a result, they often become enraged, resulting in impulsivity, intense lashing out, or harm to others.
"Narcissists are primed to be abusive because they're so hypersensitive, and they don't have empathy, and they don't have object constancy," Greenberg said. "So they are primed to take offence and be abusive and not really understand... It's a lot of work for the non-narcissistic mate."
Some people get married to narcissists and stay with them for years, while others leave or are left after a few weeks or months. As long as the narcissist is getting their needs met by their partner or the partner does not find a way to leave, the relationship will continue.
The most effective weapon to fend off a narcissist is self-love. Narcissists do not want to feel like you don't need them, that you are better off without them, and that you love yourself exactly as you are.
What Does a Narcissist Do at the End of a Relationship? At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values.
The narcissist chooses to marry the person they believe they can have the most control over. This isn't meant to victim blame and to say the partner or spouse has done anything wrong. The narcissist knows that other people are caring and want to please, so they look for people that have these qualities.
True narcissists (people with NPD) don't usually miss their exes. What narcissists do miss, however, is the attention you gave them when you were together. They need their "narcissistic supply," someone to be a constant source of care and support.
They may say or do things that are hurtful and offensive to others grieving the same loss, making it even more challenging to help them get through their grief. A narcissist may feel that the death of their loved one is an inconvenience to them and feel burdened by their loved one choosing an “inopportune time” to die.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
Therefore the narcissist seems to move on so fast because their emotions are not as deep as ours but also, they don't form memories in the same way the rest of us do. For most of us it's the memories which keep us attached to someone and unable to move on. The narcissist doesn't have this problem.
You should know that narcissists won't go down without a fight when they see you have moved on. Some of the things a narcissist will do to show you that they won't affect defeat are: Badmouthing you or your partner to other people. Playing the victim.
Breaking up with a narcissist is likely to be a draining experience. Either they won't let you go without a fight, or they will discard you without looking back. Both experiences are extremely hurtful.