“Usually, it's used to create distance,” Feuerman says. “It's a way to say, 'I'm not totally sure I am into your or not. ' Or, 'I'm not sure if we want the same thing here.” Either way, mixed signals can be used to slow down the pace of the relationship without actually talking about it. (Cue eyeroll.)
Mixed signals are usually a sign that someone is struggling with an inner conflict. They're being pulled in different directions and they're trying to figure out how to resolve their dilemma. They may want opposed or contradictory things, such as absolute freedom and also security.
They're Sending Mixed Signals
Generally speaking, this is a sign of someone playing games. It's a way to keep you off balance. But someone who truly loves you won't subject you to this emotional rollercoaster ride.
1 He acts hot and cold. 2 He texts you infrequently and sends short replies. 3 He doesn't follow up after a date.
Mixed signals are a clear signal: the person doesn't want to be with you. Whether it's because they see you as a friend or someone they don't want to commit to, mixed signals are a clear indicator of someone's lack of serious interest.
If you're wondering, “does he like me or not?” make sure to observe his actions. If he doesn't tell you he's attracted to you, you can tell by his body language and how his eyes move around. He might give you intense eye contact and look at your chest or check you out when you're across the room.
A girl sending mixed signals could be trying to protect herself from the pain of rejection because she is not yet sure about your feelings for her. Perhaps, she thinks that you're not into her or doesn't feel confident about the possibility of commitment from your side.
If you find that he's listening more attentively or going out of his way to spend more time with you than his other pals, it could be a clear sign of romantic interest. However, if you see that he approaches you with the same interest as the others in the friend group, then he's probably keeping you in the friend zone.
Guys that are into you often use lots of emojis, text first, or even double text. Watch for in-person signs, like holding eye contact, respectful little touches, or leaning in close. A follow-up text after a date or hangout, or a raincheck when he can't make it are sure signs that he wants to spend more time with you.
Guys flirt with girls they like. He might ask you for your number, then call you the next day. He may act playful, wink, and flash a smile at you. If most of your conversations feel flirty, then odds are that he likes you as more than just a friend.
If you notice he is making more eye contact with you or you catch a guy staring at you, he is probably attracted to you. He may be enthralled by your good looks and may be fantasizing about kissing you. Perhaps he stares at you and smiles; that could mean he likes you, too.
If he starts to speak to you in a softer, more intimate tone, it's a sign that he's starting to fall for you. This change in tone can be accompanied by other changes in his behavior, such as wanting to spend more time with you and being more protective of you.
They find ways to spend time with you
You try to find excuses to spend time with them as well. And when you meet up, you will sense they have eyes and ears for you and you alone. They will take the lead to make plans with you. They will listen to all your stories no matter how long or boring or detailed they are.
Things You Should Know
Look for signs in his body language like eye contact and leaning in towards you while talking. He'll also initiate more physical touch between you. Study his behavior, including the time between text responses and how jealous he seems when other guys are mentioned.
As a rule, mixed signals are usually just soft nos. Some women, especially, might try to let men down easy for fear that you guys might go apeshit on us for not wanting to date you—which happens enough to feel like a justified fear. Everyone bemoans this dynamic.
A person's actions don't match their words.
People who give mixed signals might say that you're important to them, but their behavior doesn't match up, like telling you they want to be with you, but not actually making the time to do it, Doares says.
Cognitive Dissonance — The Power Behind Mixed Signals. Cognitive Dissonance is the psychological discomfort experienced by a person who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values simultaneously. The distress is characterized by a nagging mental tension — a feeling of helplessness and agitation.
They may say, “I've been thinking about you. I would love to see you.” Here's what you send back. “If I'm being honest, I'm a little surprised you want us to go on another date. I haven't felt like we've been that close recently as I've not heard from you very much.
One of the most common reasons men blow hot and cold is that they're just not that into you. It's hurtful, but it happens. If he's not invested in the relationship, he may act inconsistently simply because he doesn't care enough to make the effort.