Narcissists tend to focus on extrinsic motivators, like money and rewards, rather than personal growth and fulfillment. Because money and material wealth are highly important to narcissists, they often become a focal point of their relationships—sometimes resulting in financial abuse.
Financial punishment is a priority for them.
People with narcissistic personalities often use the money to punish others. For instance, your money might be withheld when they feel vindictive but rewarded when you do what they ask. Not only is this humiliating, but it can also lead to financial stress.
Generally, narcissists are very frugal with their money and defensive with it. When it comes to their possessions, they don't give them freely. There is, however, more to this greed than self-preservation. Due to their lack of empathy, narcissists may not understand the benefits of sharing their resources.
You're Stuck Financially
If there's one thing that narcissists know how to do well, it's to take advantage of their spouses financially. You might be paying for everything while your partner can't hold down a job, or their job might be bringing in a lot of income but they're not letting you see any of it.
The narcissist takes your energy, and then uses it to manipulate and gaslight you, so they have more supply. So, the very fuel you feed them, gets turned around on you in backward ways. Just attention alone is not enough for a narcissist. Just doing something nice for them is not enough.
Grooming a person, manipulating her into doubting her feelings, generating shame regarding her best qualities, and manipulatively creating dependency are four ways a narcissist destroys a person from the inside out.
Living with a narcissist isn't easy. It can be exhausting and difficult, but there are things that you can do to stay strong, supported, and mentally healthy. Remember that you're not the problem and don't take their behaviors personally.
Hiding assets.
They go to great pains to hide marital assets, sometimes setting up secret accounts, “lending” money to friends, or stashing cash in safe-deposit boxes. Because they're so grandiose, they don't believe they'll ever get caught.
Here are some of the tactics a narcissist may use during a divorce to financially abuse their spouse: Withholding financial support: The narcissist may refuse to pay for household expenses, bills, or their spouse's living expenses, leaving them struggling to make ends meet.
If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, you may find that you're sacrificing things for the sake of their needs on a regular basis, but they refuse to do the same for you. It also means they'll do almost anything to others in order to meet their own needs.
It is because of this that they may find it difficult to understand other people's feelings or perspectives, a self-centredness that can cause them to act selfishly and exploit others for their own gain. “As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey.
The way narcissists use money is clearly pathological.
In fact, it's common for this personality profile to go bankrupt or have huge debts. However, the most damaging thing is that, due to their influence, manipulation, and wrongdoing, many of those around them up end up the same way.
A narcissist will devalue the existence of others to support and maintain their falsified identity. Devaluing others reassures themselves of their importance, specialness, uniqueness, and greatness and it is one of their favorite techniques to use to help suppress their negative emotions.
Maintaining a relationship with a narcissist can be difficult due to their excessive need for admiration, harsh criticism, lack of empathy and deep insecurities. If your partner is not willing to work on their narcissistic traits, then leaving is probably the best thing you can do for your mental health.
Yes, most narcissists are relatively stingy and protective over their money. They don't willingly hand over what they have. However, this greed extends beyond self-preservation. Because narcissists lack empathy for others, they don't necessarily understand the benefits of sharing their resources.
Red Flags When You're In a Relationship With a Narcissist
Downplays your emotions. Uses manipulative tactics to “win” arguments. Love bombing, especially after a fight. Makes you second-guess yourself constantly.
Readily revealing themselves while in the midst of familiar, grandiose states of mind, narcissists tend to hide what they consider shameful signs of weakness, deficiency, or failure.
Loss of Sense of Self and Self-Worth
You may feel as if you have completely lost yourself. Narcissistic abuse is a form of brainwashing, and as such, it can destroy your sense of self-worth. You may no longer feel like the person you were before all this began.
Since the nervous system is now overworked, in an attempt to protect you, your body can suffer and you may become physically ill. Your immunity is suppressed, and your ability to fight illness and disease decreases. Other physical symptoms of chronic stress from narcissistic abuse are: Intensified insomnia.
Narcissists typically settle down in monogamous relationships only if their partner has the ability to keep the narcissistic supply flowing freely. Partners are often viewed as “trophies” and proof of the narcissist's ability to “bag” an attractive or successful partner.