Research. There is a bunch of research that is done on the effects of parenting and disciplining on kids of every age, but let me just save you the trouble, and let you know that NO. You are most likely not scarring your child for life when you yell at them or lose your cool every once in a while.
Just as your four-year-old will not remember that wonderful visit you had at Grandma's house, they also will not remember the time you were so frustrated, stressed, or sleep deprived that you screamed at them.
Horvitz gives another example: “Babies can store memories as a sequence of reactions,” she says. “They may tense when they see their caregiver's face move a certain way like how it did before yelling; or they may learn not to cry or to stay quiet while in distress due to the punishment of repeated yelling.”
Children react to angry, stressed parents by not being able to concentrate, finding it hard to play with other children, becoming quiet and fearful or rude and aggressive, or developing sleeping problems.
Children who are exposed to this type of conflict will often become anxious, distressed, sad, angry, and depressed. These feelings result in sleep disturbances, poor performance at school, and difficulty focusing. In the longer term, these kids may become unable to manage conflict and form healthy adult relationships.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): Being subjected to constant yelling and verbal abuse can cause symptoms of PTSD. Symptoms can include insomnia, feeling the need to be on guard, getting easily startled and displaying self-destructive behavior.
Tell your child what it was you did to calm down and how your regained your self-control. If your child responds with questions about how you felt, go ahead and talk with them. Talk about how feelings come and go, that even negative emotions are there for a reason, and that we need to listen to our feelings.
Younger kids and toddlers may bawl; older kids will get a glazed-over look — but both are shutting down instead of listening. That's not communication. Yelling at kids might get them to stop what they're doing, but you're not likely to get through to them when your voice is raised.
Give Yourself a Do-Over: Give yourself the chance to handle the situation differently by offering a “do-over.” Say, “Ok, I'm going to try that again without the yelling” or “I was so angry earlier that I don't think I heard what you were trying to say.” If you start to feel angry again, let it go.
If you are feeling overwhelmed as a mom, you are not alone. The “depleted mother syndrome” is a term used to describe the feeling of exhaustion and depletion that many mothers experience. It is a very real phenomenon, and it can have a significant impact on a mother's ability to function.
Parents have been conditioned to avoid spanking, so they vent their anger and frustration by shouting instead. Three out of four parents yell, scream or shout at their children or teens about once a month, on average, for misbehaving or making them angry, research shows.
After you've calmed down, apologize to your child, and talk to them in an age-appropriate way about your feelings, Dr. Hudson said. You don't have to go into the details of why you reacted the way you did, but you can say something like: “I'm sorry I yelled. I got frustrated, but it's not your fault I lost my cool.
Kids can remember events before the age of 3 when they're small, but by the time they're a bit older, those early autobiographical memories are lost. New research has put the starting point for amnesia at age 7.
Attachment and relationships
Another warning flag of childhood trauma that carries over into adulthood are problems forming attachments and relationships. For example, if your childhood trauma was caused by a loved one or caregiver, you may learn to mistrust adults.
Mom rage can feel different for everyone. But in general, mom rage is intense or explosive anger that often feels distinct from other types of anger or rage. This distinction commonly stems from feeling out of control, explains Sheina Schochet, a licensed therapist in New York who works with new parents.
The obvious answer is frustration, often sleep deprivation, and the general stress of life. There's also the sometimes overwhelming sense of responsibility – the to-do list divided among the needs of children, spouse, work. Maybe you just missed the bus, or the sitter didn't show and you're on a work deadline.
She is possibly frustrated and angry because her life isn't going as she imaginated, or your life for that matter. That is her problem. She is possibly tired because she works too hard and doesn't get in return as much she thinks she deserves. That is her problem.
You are tired, sleepy, hungry, or thirsty. Many mothers forget to care about their own basic needs as they care for the family which leads to growing exhaustion and short temper. Take a moment to identify if the anger is coming because your cup is not full. No parent can talk calmly with a child when running on low.
In contrast, arguments that escalate to yelling, threats, or physical force can be very damaging to a child's emotional stability and well-being. With repeated exposure to this sort of toxic fighting, a child can become vulnerable to experiencing depression, anxiety, aggression, and hostility.
Some research suggests that children as young as six months register their parents' distress. Studies that follow children over a long period of time show that children who were insecure in kindergarten because of their parents' conflicts were more likely to have adjustment problems in the seventh grade.
Your toddler is newly self-aware and wants to assert her independence in whatever small ways she can. However, according to Dr. Jeffrey Richker, “toddlers don't have the reasoning resources of an adult. They want what they want when they want it.