Because of their inability to understand feelings, their lack of empathy, and constant need for self-protection, narcissists can't truly love or connect emotionally with other people. They cannot look at the world from anyone else's perspective. They're essentially emotionally blind and alone.
Who does a narcissist attach to? A narcissist can attach to a parent, child, spouse, friend, and/or business partner. Basically, it is anyone willing to give the narcissist an unlimited supply of attention, admiration, affection, or appreciation.
Narcissists have an “avoidant” attachment style and most people who are strongly affected by a narcissist are of the “anxious” attachment style.
Narcissists are known for their intense sexual energy and desire to gain closeness through intimacy. As you probably know, they can be highly affectionate and charming when they want to be.
It is a complicated mental illness centering on an individual's inflated sense of self-importance accompanied by a lack of empathy for other people. While this is an intimidating definition, narcissistic individuals can and do fall in love and commit to romantic involvements.
Narcissists may show you love and act in loving ways, but this tends to be conditional, in that displays of love depend on what you can give them in return. For people with NPD, relationships tend to be transactional. Love is not self-serving, proud, boastful, exploitative, or envious.
If a narcissist is interested in you, you might notice that they shower you with admiration and attention shortly after you meet them. They might be quick to say “I love you,” put you on a pedestal, and make grand romantic gestures.
Unfortunately, narcissists are unable to put the happiness of anyone else ahead of their own. Nor can they offer unconditional love to another due to their own obsession with status and achievement. One of the narcissistic traits that makes it so hard for narcissists to love another is their lack of empathy.
People can fall in love with narcissists just the same way they fall in love with anyone else. They meet, they are attracted to them, the person has qualities that they like, and they feel connected to the person.
“Deep down, narcissists hope for love and caring”, says Frank Yeomans, “but it often makes them feel very uncomfortable if they seem to find it, partly because they feel vulnerable and doubt the authenticity of any love that comes their way.
Nevertheless, both avoidant and anxious attachment styles were found to be associated with higher levels of vulnerable narcissism.
Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissist repeats a cycle of abuse with another person which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused. Trauma bonding often happens in romantic relationships, however, it can also occur between colleagues, non-romantic family members, and friends.
Narcissists, on the other hand, want to fast-forward both emotional and physical intimacy as a way to win your trust and investment in them quickly. This is someone who, without even knowing you, professes their adoration with you early on.
Narcissists Use Trauma Bonding and Intermittent Reinforcement To Get You Addicted To Them: Why Abuse Survivors Stay. “Why didn't he or she just leave?” is a question that makes many victims of abuse cringe, and for good reason.
Narcissistic traits are most often self-serving rather than altruistic, but the person can still feel emotions. People with narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic traits may laugh and cry like everyone else, though they may have different reasons for doing so.
One effective way that a narcissist can draw someone back into their realm is to say, “I love you.” If you're especially important to a narcissist, they'll say and do just about anything to get you back, including using those powerful three words.
People with narcissistic personality disorder are not equipped to experience and show love in the sense that most of us mean it. The narcissists that I know lack the capacity to deeply appreciate the authentic self of another human being.
Generally speaking, however, narcissists do not have healthy relationships. They can be very demanding and controlling, which leads to a lot of conflict and unhappiness in the marriage. Studies show that narcissists are more likely to get divorced than people who do not have a narcissistic personality disorder.
Summary: For most people, narcissism wanes as they age. A new study reports the magnitude of the decline of narcissistic traits is tied to specific career and personal relationship choices. However, this is not true for everyone.
A narcissist can be extremely good at giving the appearance of intimacy… and he will turn it on and off at his pleasure. He may run hot and cold- going in and out of being highly somatic and needing a sex partner. When he's needy, he offers intimations of intimacy that are very appealing and hard to resist.
This phase may last for weeks, months, years, or even longer. However, this emotional high never lasts forever, and the effects will inevitably start to wane, destroying the fantastical façade. You may start noticing the red flags only when the love bombing phase starts nearing its end.
Here are some narcissism red flags to look out for: Lacking empathy. They seem unable or unwilling to have empathy for others, and they appear to have no desire for emotional intimacy. Unrealistic sense of entitlement.
A narcissistic person love bombs so that the other partner can develop emotional, physical, or financial dependence on them. "People who engage in love-bombing are often doing so unconsciously, though they may be aware of the effect their behavior has on others," Behr says.
Narcissists, or people with narcissistic tendencies, tend to fall in love fast and hard. And as with everything else in their lives, they expect to get what they want.