Dissociating During Stress Narcissistic abuse causes the fight, flight, fawn, and freeze (4F) response in the same way other traumas do. As you go through prolonged trauma, you may start dissociating.
You experience dissociation as a survival mechanism.
You feel emotionally or even physically detached from your environment, experiencing disruptions in your memory, perceptions, consciousness and sense of self.
Emotional Lability
Or, you may find yourself feeling emotionless and like a robot. You might experience depersonalization where it feels as if everything around you is not accurate. You might even feel the need to exact revenge against your abuser.
Signs and symptoms of narcissistic abuse syndrome
Long-term abuse can change a victim's brain, resulting in cognitive decline and memory loss. In turn, the changes in the brain can increase the risk for chronic stress, PTSD, and symptoms of self-sabotage.
Anxiety & Depression
The fear of not knowing what's coming next can lead to anxiety symptoms. Constant devaluation, criticisms, and insults can lead to feeling worthless and depressed. Narcissistic abuse can lead to low-self esteem and hopelessness, which can lead to a depressive episode.
Some effects of narcissistic abuse include: High levels of shame or feeling inadequate, unworthy, or “not good enough” Excessive self-doubt and difficulty making decisions independently. Codependency or putting other people's feelings and needs before your own.
Dissociation. Those living with narcissistic abuse syndrome may struggle with a trauma response known as dissociation. This reaction occurs when a person feels detached from their body, thoughts, or feelings.
Complex trauma survivors can struggle with feelings of depression, suicidal ideation as well as extreme rage. Consciousness. Those who have endured complex trauma may relive traumatic events, feel disassociated from the trauma, their bodies, the world and/or have problems with accessing their memories of the trauma.
Nightmares, flashbacks, and intrusive thoughts. Hyper-awareness, vigilance, anger, and irritability. Misplaced sense of blame, low self-worth. Avoidance of certain situations or people or a sense of detachment.
Dissociation is one such response, and this is especially so in cases of extreme physical, emotional and/or sexual abuse or severe neglect. The important thing to understand about dissociation is that it's a defense mechanism – it is a way the mind copes with the stress of a traumatic event.
Narcissists and psychopaths dissociate (erase memories) a lot (are amnesiac) because their contact with the world and with others is via a fictitious construct: The false self. Narcissists never experience reality directly but through a distorting lens darkly.
Dissociation is one of the many defense mechanisms the brain can use to cope with the trauma of sexual violence. It's often described as an “out of body” experience where someone feels detached from reality. It may be upsetting for someone to realize that they have dissociated, but it is a natural reaction to trauma.
You might feel like you are separate from your body, or you might feel like the world around you isn't real. Signs and symptoms that you are dissociating include: feeling disconnected from your body, like an “out-of-body experience” feeling separate from the world around you.
Trauma-Related Dissociation is sometimes described as a 'mental escape' when physical escape is not possible, or when a person is so emotionally overwhelmed that they cannot cope any longer. Sometimes dissociation is like 'switching off'. Some survivors describe it as a way of saying 'this isn't happening to me'.
Bottomed-out confidence
Perhaps the biggest effect of narcissistic abuse on our personalities is the erosion of confidence it inevitably leads to. Narcissists have to destroy our confidence, in order to destroy any questioning we might do and to corrode any boundaries we might set.
The abuse from a narcissist will essentially cause the victim (first- or second-degree) to feel emotionally out of control and unstable. The negative memories and painful flashbacks will overpower any semblance of goodness. Depression, languishing, and general disinterest in life will become the norm.
Through ongoing gaslighting and demeaning of the partner, the narcissist undermines the individual's self-worth and self-confidence, creating extreme emotional abuse that is constant and devastating.
From constantly being manipulated to not knowing what the next emotion would be, it can be very tiring and exhausting to be with a narcissist. "Remember that this brain fog is normal and expected in these narcissistic relationships.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy to help you change negative thought patterns and behaviors. Mindfulness-based practices to reduce stress and increase emotional regulation. Support and guidance in setting healthy boundaries and rebuilding self-esteem. A safe and non-judgmental space to process your emotions and experiences.
The four stages of the narcissistic abuse cycle are: Idealization, Devaluation, Repetition, and Discard. In this cycle, a narcissistic partner may love-bomb you, devalue your sense of self over time, repeat the pattern, and eventually, discard you and/or the relationship.
Anxiety and depression
Abusive behaviors don't have the same effects on everyone, but after experiencing abuse from a narcissistic person, victims may struggle with fear, depression, or anxiety, even when they're in ordinary, everyday situations.
While recovery is difficult, it is possible. Taking the necessary steps toward recovery, such as by seeking professional help, recognizing the abuse that occurred, and focusing on yourself, can all help you move past the abuse.
Recovering from narcissistic abuse takes time, so you will have to remain patient. This process could take months or even years, but it's worth all of the hard work and effort. You can and will move on to find healthier and happier connections with others.