This is especially true for people with ADHD, whose dopamine-deprived brains are in constant need of stimulation. The beginning stages of a relationship can feel euphoric, and — for some — meet a need for novelty and excitement. But on the other hand, ADHD brains become bored quite easily.
This can cause a host of problems in your life—financial issues, relationship trouble, and problems holding a job. Some people with ADD/ADHD also have trouble maintaining everyday relationships. They often quickly become bored with their romantic partner.
When relationships reach a dreadful stage of being “boring” or “stagnant”, they can become frail. Adults with ADHD can easily lose interest in things that are done in the same old way. Look for new and different ways to bring fun into your relationship, keeping things fresh and anew.
Distraction, procrastination, and other ADHD symptoms can stir anger, frustration, and hurt feelings for both the person with ADHD and the partner. But your marriage or relationship can thrive with proper treatment and tactics to ward off misunderstandings.
It's not an exaggeration to say that ADHD worsens and prolongs the pain of a breakup, even leading to depression and low self-esteem. Getting over a breakup is way more difficult for us than it is for most neurotypical people.
The attentional and emotional self-regulation challenges that can exist for partners with ADHD can interfere with experiential intimacy in several ways. First, the partner with ADHD may be distracted within the experience, missing the moment together.
Equally true (though less recognized) is the fact that partners with ADHD are among the most loyal, generous, engaged, and genuinely fun people you could meet. And after a lifetime of criticism for their ADHD faults, they need for their partners to recognize these good qualities — and vice versa, for that matter.
“Love bombing” is defined by someone showering their partner with excessive affection, attention, gifts, and flattery in order to gain their trust and dependence.
ADHD is not the kiss of death. The condition, alone, can't make or break a romantic relationship. But, if symptoms of attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) are not properly acknowledged, treated, and accepted, they can — and often do — create or exacerbate marital tensions.
Emotional detachment, or the act of being disconnected or disengaged from the feelings of others, is a symptom of ADHD.
Many people with ADHD have difficulty focusing. A person may quickly lose sight of how frequently he pays attention to his partner and the things that matters to the partner. In turn, this can cause the new partner to feel uncared for or ignored. ADHD impacts a person's ability to focus, or remember commitments.
The impulsivity, disorganization, and difficulty with focus that are often associated with ADHD can create challenges in communication, trust, and intimacy in a relationship.
For patients diagnosed with adult ADHD there tends to be a “honeymoon period”, where they are really happy with treatment. They are excited and like 'wow I feel great' / 'this is so much better'.
Adults with ADHD are good with people, creative, flexible, and calm in a crisis, all of which can be beneficial in any relationship. Adults with ADHD can be very engaged as they can hyperfocus on areas of interest, Roberts explains. “This can make the start of a relationship a whirlwind.
Controlling behavior and distrust. Abusive — this is also inclusive of emotionally abusive behaviors, such as gaslighting, love bombing, breadcrumbing etc. Disrespectful. Financial abuse or dishonesty.
Mood swings are common in people with ADHD. People with this disorder can be hypersensitive, too. That means sensations, like touch, that may feel normal to another person can feel too intense for someone with ADHD.
As daydreaming is often regarded as inattention, it's commonly associated with ADHD, but excessive daydreaming is also a sign of a condition called maladaptive daydreaming. This too is highly common for students with ADHD.
The roots of hyperfocus in ADHD relationships are complex, but the end result is often clear: While some partners may feel smothered, many get swept away by the over-the-top adoration. Then, when the obsessive love fades — or, more commonly, ends abruptly — the other partner feels abandoned and keenly bereft.
Advice for men with ADHD
Work with your partner, and perhaps a counselor, to come up with alternative interactions about experiences that cause you pain. These might include verbal cues, scheduling emotional discussions rather than having them on the fly, and improving mindfulness when you are putting yourself down.
Common ADHD-Related Problems
Impulsive spending or overspending. Starting fights or arguing. Trouble maintaining friendships and romantic relationships. Speeding and dangerous driving.
Non-traditional Physical Affection: For some with ADHD, their means of physical affection might be unique or non-traditional. They might show their affection through playful nudges, high fives, or even through non-contact means like making you a cup of coffee exactly the way you like it.
Similar to the hyperactive symptoms, impulsive symptoms are typically seen by the time a child is four years old and increase during the next three to four years to peak in severity when the child is seven to eight years of age.
Those with combined hyperactive-impulsive and inattentive ADHD experience both poor sleep quality and a later bedtime. Many ADHD symptoms are similar to symptoms of sleep deprivation. Among others, adult ADHD sleep problems can lead to forgetfulness and difficulty concentrating during the day.
Barkley, PhD. “Children diagnosed with ADHD are not likely to grow out of it. And while some children may recover fully from their disorder by age 21 or 27, the full disorder or at least significant symptoms and impairment persist in 50-86 percent of cases diagnosed in childhood.