A narcissist often cannot provide or reciprocate the love and care that emotionally healthy people desire, so it is actually common for two narcissists to come together. However, they may not necessarily know that they are both narcissists.
When two narcissists date, eventually, one or both of them get bored with each other. The truth of who they are will start affecting them as a couple. They will start stepping over each other to prove who is better. So, what attracted them to each other will start causing a problem.
"Narcissists are drawn to those who can boost their own self-esteem and validate their sense of importance," Wasser told Insider. "Being associated with someone who is successful or admired can make the narcissist feel more important by proxy."
Some people get married to narcissists and stay with them for years, while others leave or are left after a few weeks or months. As long as the narcissist is getting their needs met by their partner or the partner does not find a way to leave, the relationship will continue.
In fact, narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women.
But what many people don't realize is that these relationships are also some of the most likely to end in divorce. In fact, research has shown that nearly 60% of all marriages to narcissists – male or female – end in divorce.
Unfortunately, narcissists are unable to put the happiness of anyone else ahead of their own. Nor can they offer unconditional love to another due to their obsession with status and achievement. One of the narcissistic traits that makes it so hard for narcissists to love another is their lack of empathy.
It's also common for two covert narcissists in a relationship to become very attached because they share similar traits. They may not know they're narcissists but are attracted to each other's self-absorption and status anxiety. But falling in love and staying in love are different things.
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.
It is never a good feeling when a narcissist walks out of a relationship. They can break up so abruptly that you may be left behind wondering why things had moved to the point of no return. Rather than drowning yourself in self-pity, you need to take proper action.
Sexual narcissists typically demonstrate a lack of empathy for their partner's needs in an effort to serve their own intimacy needs. They may do so while engaging in aggressive behavior, or more generally by ignoring their partner's requests or preferences in order to prioritize their own.
The best way to know if a narcissist loves you is by looking at their behavior over time rather than just relying on words or expressions of affection. If they are consistently putting your needs first, even when it doesn't directly benefit them, then it may be possible that they truly care for you.
It may sound harsh, but many of the features of NPD are antithetical to love. Narcissists may show you love and act in loving ways, but this tends to be conditional, in that displays of love depend on what you can give them in return. For people with NPD, relationships tend to be transactional.
As long as both parties get what they want out of this transactional style relationship, it could go on for years. However, narcissistic people struggle to give others praise and attention, as they require it all for themselves, so two narcissists in a relationship may not stay together long.
The similarities between two narcissists can make them feel attracted to each other. They may find solace in being with someone who has the same value system as them. The expectations from a relationship are different between narcissistic and non-narcissistic people.
When two narcissists marry, they may initially seem like a perfect match, as they both prioritize their own needs and crave attention and admiration. However, over time, their relationship can become toxic and destructive, as each partner competes for attention and validation.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
People with high levels of narcissistic admiration experienced less anxiety and sadness after a breakup and maintained positive perceptions of their exes. They were also more likely to initiate a breakup and attribute it to their lack of interest in their ex.
While people with narcissism aren't devoid of emotions, their motivations may be self-focused. They can know they're hurting your feelings, but as long as it elevates their status, they may not care. Someone living with narcissism does cry. They can feel regret, remorse, and sadness.
According to Julie L. Hall, author of “The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free,” narcissists become more extreme versions of their worst selves as they age, which includes becoming more desperate, deluded, paranoid, angry, abusive, and isolated.
The narcissist chooses to marry the person they believe they can have the most control over. This isn't meant to victim blame and to say the partner or spouse has done anything wrong. The narcissist knows that other people are caring and want to please, so they look for people that have these qualities.
In the end, aging narcissists become needier yet quieter, finally accepting that people avoid them as they all know his/her true nature. A rough sketch of a narcissistic person shows someone who holds himself as highly important but heavily needs the approval of others to validate their self-worth.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
Narcissistic partners act as if they are always right, that they know better and that their partner is wrong or incompetent. This often leaves the other person in the relationship either angry and trying to defend themselves or identifying with this negative self-image and feeling badly about themselves.
"Narcissists are primed to be abusive because they're so hypersensitive, and they don't have empathy, and they don't have object constancy," Greenberg said. "So they are primed to take offence and be abusive and not really understand... It's a lot of work for the non-narcissistic mate."