Grief is different for everyone. It can be hard to predict how one will handle grief. One certain thing is that grief comes in waves. The first may be a huge wave that feels like it knocks you down and will never let you back up, but there will be a break in the waves.
They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, according to Mental-Health-Matters. These are the natural ways for your heart to heal.
Strong negative emotions can lead to hurt feelings.
Pain can be one of the longest stages of a breakup, and it may come and go in waves over time. It's okay to go back and forth between pain and the other stages, especially because you may have been hurt deeply during your breakup.
Knowing the phases of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — can help normalize one's break-up experience.
Stage 1: Shock
The shock of a breakup is all about pain, disorganization, and confusion, Gullick tells mbg. You may try to rationalize it and feel an immense need to understand what went wrong. "Often, it's bewildering," she says.
Depression is usually the longest and most difficult stage of grief. Depression can be a long and difficult stage in the grieving process, but it's also when people feel their deepest sadness.
Here are some of the tell-tale signs that your breakup is likely to be a permanent one: You are no longer physically attracted to your ex. The emotional connection is gone. You feel better about yourself without your ex.
Despite a lingering stereotype that men are less emotionally invested in relationships than women, researchers have discovered that it's men, in fact, who suffer the greater emotional impact during a breakup.
Men might suppress their feelings more
From a young age, boys are told not to cry or show any emotions. They grow up learning that to cry is to be weak, and to feel hurt or to express it means they are somehow not “man” enough. Due to this, men tend to suppress their emotions a lot more than women do.
Even though a death has more meaning and is more significant, the feelings in a breakup are similar to grieving a death. The reason for this is because your ex will no longer be present in your world.
Delayed grief often emerges when you have the time, stillness, and space to confront the loss and feelings you've been repressing. “Delayed grief is your body finally processing emotions you've been needing to express,” Bruno explains. “The body finally feels safe enough to experience and feel these emotions fully.”
Studies suggest that most people start to feel better around three months post-breakup. One study, which evaluated 155 undergraduates who'd been through breakups in the last six months, found that 71 percent start to feel significantly better around the 11-week mark, or around three months.
But first, you have to get through the hardest part: the first week. No, you are not going to move on from your heartbreak in a week. But that is about the time it takes for the initial shock to wear off. This time can be very healing, or very damaging, depending on how you handle it.
After six weeks most people start to adjust to life without their ex, says Durvasula. “It could be a lot quicker, but typically it's not much longer,” she says.
While breakups hit women the hardest, they tend to recover more fully. Men, on the other hand, never fully recover. Women experience more emotional pain following a breakup, but they also more fully recover, according to new research from Binghamton University.
After a relationship break-up, men can often feel a deep sense of loneliness. This is because relationships can provide us with companionship and social support, which are important for emotional wellbeing.
When it comes to breakups, we tend to think that women are devastated while men quickly move on. But a new study from researchers at Binghamton University and University College London reveals that breakups actually hit men harder than women.
“I try and go by the 6-month rule, which says that for most of us to fully heal, it usually takes around 6 months for every year we are with someone,” Peacock says. For example: If you were with someone for 1 year, it would take 6 months to get over the breakup.
According to much research, about 40 to 50 percent of couples get back together after a breakup. While this is positive, many factors determine the chances of getting back together after a breakup. To begin with, most people get back together with their ex because they still harbor some feelings for them.
Breakups are notoriously challenging, but the “no contact” rule can help you process the difficult mix of emotions. Try to resist the temptation of re-establishing contact, which will likely create emotional confusion and prolong pain for both you and your ex.
Practice the three C's
As you build a plan, consider the “three Cs”: choose, connect, communicate. Choose: Choose what's best for you. Even during dark bouts of grief, you still possess the dignity of choice. “Grief often brings the sense of loss of control,” said Julie.
Complicated grief may be considered when the intensity of grief has not decreased in the months after your loved one's death. Some mental health professionals diagnose complicated grief when grieving continues to be intense, persistent and debilitating beyond 12 months.
Overthinking is common during this stage of grief. Instead of fixating on these thoughts and feelings, you should acknowledge them and get some perspective. It can be helpful to discuss your feelings with someone you trust, or you can try things like meditation or journaling for mental health.