Regret is a very real reaction to a disappointing event in your life, a choice you made that can't be changed, something you said that you can't take back. It's one of those feelings you can't seem to shake, a heavy and intrusive negative emotion that can last for minutes, days, years or even a lifetime.
Thomas Gilovich is the leading researcher on regret and he did a study called “The Experience of Regret: What, When, Why.” Here's the bad news:e found that although most of us experience regret, it doesn't fade over time.
If regret feels overwhelming or deeply upsetting to you, consider speaking with a therapist. Therapy can help you process your regret and cope with it in a healthy way. Additionally, self-compassion and acceptance can go a long way in helping you feel better.
Regret can take both a physical and emotional toll on your body and mind. Feelings of regret can often lead to physical symptoms such as muscle tension, sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, headaches, muscle pain, joint pain, and chronic stress.
In the end, our relationships with family, friends, and partners bring us more joy than working or superficial successes do. At the end of their lives, people so often regret not having spent more time with their kids, not having been a better spouse, and not keeping in touch with friends and relatives.
Regret is viewed by many experts to be a mental phenomenon conditioned by evolution. That is, it is an evolutionary advantage for a species to learn from pervious mistakes and to remember those mistakes so as to avoid future related mistakes.
Grudges or regret might lead to emotional bondage, uneasiness in your spirit, and induce uncertainty surrounding your relationships. Forgiving yourself can be a difficult experience, as we tend to hold ourselves to higher standards.
Adverse physiological effects of regret
Even though they are temporary, such reactions can cause physical harm and lead to more severe damage. Headaches and migraines can also be attributed to high levels of stress, as can panic attacks and even heart attacks.
Forgive yourself
Regret often stems from the inability to cope with thing you did or didn't do. You might think you deserve the self-criticism and negativity, but that's not true. Instead, forgiving yourself and practicing self-compassion can encourage self-improvement.
Being sad is a waste of time and regret is a wasted emotion.
The past is already gone. The cost has been incurred. It cannot be recovered. (If it can be fixed, then don't waste time being sad; go ahead and do it.)
Begin by asking whether you are dealing with one of the four core regrets: Foundation regrets, Boldness regrets, Moral regrets, Connection regrets. (If not, satisfice – make a choice and move on).
Here is a list of “biggest regrets” many people have: being less assertive, breaking up, carelessly choosing one's life partner, choosing work over family, comparing oneself with others, dreaming more than acting on things, engrossing in anger, giving high importance to possessions, lacking self-confidence, lingering ...
Regret can have damaging effects on mind and body when it turns into fruitless rumination and self-blame that keeps people from re-engaging with life. This pattern of repetitive, negative, self-focused ruminative thinking is characteristic of depression—and may be a cause of this mental health problem as well.
Regret can significantly impede happiness because regret often causes people to feel shame, sadness, or remorse about decisions or the ways in which they have spent their lives. Sometimes regret can contribute to depression, but depression can also cause feelings of regret that were not previously there.
Guilt, Fishkin says, is associated with activity in the prefrontal cortex, the logical-thinking part of the brain. Guilt can also trigger activity in the limbic system. (That's why it can feel so anxiety-provoking.)
1) “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” 2) “I wish I hadn't worked so hard.” 3) “I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.” 4) “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.” 5) “I wish I had let myself be happier” (p.
A study in the recent issue of the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin shows that about 90 percent of adults have deep regrets about their lives, and that the more they dwell on it the worse their quality of life tends to get.
Toxic regret takes control when you recognize the misalignment and repeatedly recognize your decisions aren't congruent with your true self. A dangerous looping process begins and you trap yourself in negative thoughts: I'm worthless, I made all the wrong choices, this ruins everything, my life is over now.
Regret is a painful emotion of guilt, remorse and disappointment. It involves anguish about a past event that could have been changed for a desirable outcome. Individuals with chronic pain may experience regret for various reasons.
Regret may well be the most painful of emotions because it is self-inflicted. Grief and anger, joy and excitement, they all spring from points outside the self; regret has only one source.