Toxic girlfriends often expect perfection from their partners and relationships. They may not even be perfectionists themselves, yet they'll frequently “lose it” when things don't go according to their plans. Maybe dinner goes poorly, or maybe it rains on a picnic. Perhaps a concert gets canceled.
A toxic girlfriend will try to take away these crucial relationships from you, leaving you isolated and alone. Every time you hang out or talk to your friends or family, she will constantly comment negatively about them, play the victim and make you feel guilty for spending time with them.
People often engage in toxic behaviors when they are coping with some underlying problem, such as a history of trauma, unhealthy familial relationships, or addiction. Working with a therapist can help you understand what might be at the heart of your unhealthy relationship behaviors.
Repeatedly and intentionally manipulating your significant other is one of the signs you are toxic in a relationship. This could involve lying to them to get your way or exaggerating your point in arguments so that they will see things your way.
“Toxic people can absolutely change,” Kennedy says, “however they must see their part in the problem before they are likely to find the motivation to do so.” Kennedy says that it's likely that the person being abusive or controlling towards you struggles with their own issues.
What causes people to become toxic? We're fundamentally copycats—we learn behaviors by modeling others, and sometimes we have the wrong role models. At other times, we run into a bad spate in life, get jaded, and see the world through a pessimistic lens. And so our toxic behaviors grow.
Signs of a toxic relationship include lack of trust, controlling behaviors, and feeling drained. Both partners can help fix a toxic relationship with therapy, reflective listening, and honesty.
Quite often, a toxic person is someone who has been the victim of a toxic person and learned the traits in a bad relationship. Sometimes, it results from childhood trauma and the toxic traits we adopted as a coping mechanism. Almost everyone is redeemable, and just as toxic behaviour was learned, it can be unlearned.
People with toxic traits know they have them
But many people with toxic traits don't realize that their behavior impacts others. You may have toxic traits that you don't know about. Some toxic traits, like absolutism, manifest subtly.
Self-reflection, forgiveness, mindfulness, and somatic exercises can help you unlearn these lessons. Resources that may help along the way include support groups, therapists, loved ones, books, and educators. You're never alone, and help is always available.
Toxicity in people isn't considered a mental disorder. But there could be underlying mental problems that cause someone to act in toxic ways, including a personality disorder.
For many, the fear of being alone and low self-worth are powerful motivators for remaining in relationships past their expiration date. The sunk-cost fallacy may play a role in a person having difficulty letting go of an unhealthy relationship.
Real love cannot happen in a toxic relationship.
Two people have to merge their lives and validate each other's decisions. As I'm sure you know, getting two people to agree on something can be incredibly difficult. When you're in a toxic relationship, realizing or accepting its toxicity isn't easy.
If you're someone who can hurt your partner with little care or remorse, or find a way to blame them for your actions, then you're being toxic. Understanding and respecting your partner's feelings is integral to a successful bond, and if you refuse to empathize with their perspective, you're toxic.
A number of things are considered toxic behavior, such as manipulation, being judgmental, dishonesty, being careless or unkind toward others, and of course, abuse.
Yes, as long as both partners are willing to acknowledge the problem and become equal partners in finding a solution, toxic relationships can be healed.