"Narcissism has never been about self-love – it is almost entirely about self-loathing." It's long been established that there are two types of narcissists: "vulnerable" ones, who have low self-esteem and crave affirmation, and "grandiose" ones, who have a genuinely overinflated sense of self.
Emptiness. Narcissists lack a positive, emotional connection to themselves, making it difficult for them to emotionally connect with others. Their undeveloped self and deficient inner resources require them to be dependent on others for validation. Rather than confidence, they actually fear that they're undesirable.
For agentic grandiose narcissists and communal grandiose narcissists, the answer appears to be yes. And vulnerable narcissists, who freely admit to feeling bad about themselves, are not exaggerating; they really do feel bad about themselves.
Even though narcissists seem super confident and self-assured, they tend to have pretty low self-esteem. This insecurity can drive their need for attention and admiration, making them less empathetic and more likely to use others for their gain.
Narcissist's issues with shame is a major reason narcissists struggle to maintain friendships, experience true intimacy, and struggle with self-esteem. Narcissists fear and despise facing their shame so much so, that their way to survive is to project their own shame on to those around them.
Much of the time, a narcissist's behaviour isn't driven by self-love – rather, self-hatred.
Distance – at a time when you need the most support, the narcissist becomes distant. This further creates feelings of anxiety and shame, particularly if coupled with blame for relationship problems.
Narcissists are so insecure that they constantly need praise and admiration from others. They seek it from others and sometimes, even from themselves. The reason is that they want to be superior to all and this is the only way they know how to make themselves feel better.
Narcissists aren't capable of loving others because they don't know how to love themselves. “Narcissists are unable to see beyond themselves and what they need at any given moment. They don't consider how their actions affect others and they don't care about anyone but themselves.”
Damage to interpersonal relationships. Hostility toward others (e.g., blaming, making accusations) Suicidal ideation typically triggered by external events (e.g., perceived rejection) Hostility toward others (but typically not toward self)
Narcissists can feel emotional pain, but not usually in the same way as others. The emotional pain they may feel is usually related to underlying selfish needs. Narcissists can feel emotional pain, but not usually in the same way as others.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value.
Not all people with narcissism are unhappy, but many can't find contentment when they aren't the center of attention. They may seem unhappy or insecure unless they get their way and receive praise. However, when they're not happy, they may do whatever they can to disrupt your happiness.
They demand respect, and give none in return. For a narcissist, their needs must always be put first, and they will never reciprocate those feelings for anyone else. The world revolves around them, and everyone who happens to be part of that world should go along with it.
Common narcissistic traits include having a strong sense of self-importance, experiencing fantasies about fame or glory, exaggerating self abilities, craving admiration, exploiting others, and lacking empathy.
The most effective weapon to fend off narcissists is self-love. When you love yourself, it is more difficult for the narcissist to manipulate you and get under your skin. It will hurt them to know that you do not need them, that you are better off without them, and that you love yourself exactly as you are.
If you have ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, you know that their false persona can be very convincing – until it's not. The truth is, some narcissists can actually be quite kind and generous – but only when it benefits them in some way.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".
The narcissist is incredibly sad and melancholic. They are hostage to their inflated egos and their false selves. They hurt everyone who genuinely cares for them and isn't able to control their behaviour. A narcissist's very existence depends upon their false self.
The narcissist tries to ignore it, talk it out of existence, or belittle its importance. If this crude mechanism of cognitive dissonance fails, the narcissist resorts to denial and repression of the humiliating material. He "forgets" all about it, gets it out of his mind and, when reminded of it, denies it.
A hallmark of people who have strong narcissistic and other dark personality traits (hereafter referred to as narcissists) is the avoidance of taking responsibility for their dysfunctional or incompetent behavior. Since they already have shaky and low self-esteem, they try to mask it with fake confidence.