Irrespective of the type of trauma they experienced, it profoundly affects their self-perception and ability to participate in a relationship. The idea of getting into a romantic relationship with a person suffering from past trauma can be intimidating, but you never know until you are too deep into their lives.
Relationships are complicated, and sometimes, the situation calls for maintaining a relationship with a person who caused trauma. Consider doing so only after you know you can be physically safe. And remember, if the situation gets worse, don't hesitate to do what you need to do to maintain safety.
Have a really good support system for each of you and the relationship. Make time for family and friends who are positive about your relationship and respect you and your loved one. Find a trauma-informed therapist to guide you as a couple or as individuals in your effort to better understand yourselves and each other.
Challenging feelings & beliefs
Your partner may experience bouts of intense sadness, guilt, anger, or shame related to a past traumatic event. They may believe that there's nowhere safe for them to be, even when there's no direct or real threat in front of them.
Though it may be challenging at times, it is totally possible to create a healthy relationship with someone who has PTSD. “The key is understanding, clear communication, and compassion,” says Douglas. First and foremost, you should set up times throughout the week to check-in with each other.
Many trauma survivors do not develop PTSD. Also, many people with PTSD do not have relationship problems. People with PTSD can create and maintain good relationships by: Building a personal support network to help cope with PTSD while working on family and friend relationships.
Dating when you have trauma can be challenging, but not impossible. Your dating difficulties are not caused by something about you that's permanently flawed. If you've experienced trauma, being vulnerable in relationships reveals the old wounds that never healed.
Trauma causes the body to go into survival mode—fight, flight, or freeze—at the time it occurs. These effects may linger, triggering our physiology to disburse stress hormones such as cortisol that have the side effect of making us feel disconnected and withdrawn, decreasing our connection to anyone we love.
Living through traumatic events may result in expectations of danger, betrayal, or potential harm within new or old relationships. Survivors may feel vulnerable and confused about what is safe, and therefore it may be difficult to trust others, even those whom they trusted in the past.
This is the premise of trauma bonding. Some theories suggest this is our subconscious mind trying to resolve old wounds. Even minor traumas, like the feeling “my parents never heard me,” can lead you to be attracted to, or hypersensitive to, someone who struggles to be present with you.
Trauma can make it extremely difficult to maintain relationships as it forces us to constantly remain in 'fight or flight' mode. Feeling constantly on edge and that you need to be on high alert at all times makes it extremely difficult to trust another person.
So when you love a girl who's gone through trauma, you're saying that you see the worth in helping her bandage the wounds. You're saying that you see the worth someone else tried to bury. You're saying you are not afraid of the bad days and you see the beauty in the good days.
It is a building block of some of our deepest relationships and a component in many of our happiest days. Yet the ability to freely give and receive love is a fragile skill, which traumatic experiences can all too easily dent or damage. Learning how to be loved is a vital part of your healing.
Childhood trauma involving abuse can make trusting others very difficult. Trust issues can show up as extreme independence, in which you can not allow yourself to trust that someone else will come through for you. You fear being vulnerable like that or relying on someone else.
Difficulty trusting others. Feeling unsafe. Using drugs, alcohol or behaviors to numb anxiety or distress. Avoiding friends, loved ones or activities you used to enjoy.
It's possible to create a healthy relationship with someone living with PTSD, and like all relationships, patience, understanding, compassion, and clear communication are key.
Adults may display sleep problems, increased agitation, hypervigilance, isolation or withdrawal, and increased use of alcohol or drugs. Older adults may exhibit increased withdrawal and isolation, reluctance to leave home, worsening of chronic illnesses, confusion, depression, and fear (DeWolfe & Nordboe, 2000b).
Healthy Relationships vs.
One way to determine whether you're in a healthy relationship or a trauma bond is to focus on how your relationship consistently makes you feel. A healthy relationship makes you feel supported, secure, and confident, while a trauma bond makes you feel fearful, anxious, or put down.
Although the link is unsubstantiated, some kink-identified people who happen to be survivors of trauma may engage in kink, or trauma play, to heal from, cope with, and transform childhood abuse or adolescent maltreatment.
While the trauma itself doesn't serve as a catalyst for developing a kink (which is a popular misconception), it can be alleviated through play. “For example, a sexual assault survivor might initially feel afraid, weak, and powerless during their actual sexual assault,” Hughes writes in Psychology Today.