Healing your inner child doesn't happen overnight; the work can take years. But it's worth it, Stern says. “You'll probably be capable of healthier adult relationships,” she notes.
Healing our inner child allows us to create the safety and security our younger selves have always needed from past trauma. It helps us unlock our natural gifts, our inner curiosity, and our capacity to love.
There are three types of trauma children endure at the hands of their caregivers that cause later adult inner children injury. These include physical, emotional, and psychological neglect. Physical Neglect. Physical safety and nourishment are basic human needs that are to be given freely from caregivers to children.
People with wounded inner children can often experience persistent and chronic feelings of emptiness, helplessness and hopelessness. They might feel that they are existing as a false self and that their life lacks a sense of aliveness or spontaneity. They might also feel deeply disconnected from others.
Our inner child remembers being ignored and bullied on the bus on the first day of school. Our inner child remembers feeling dumb when the teacher scoffed or when we didn't have the answer to a “seemingly easy” question.
When children are emotionally and mentally injured, neglected, or even abused in childhood, those inner wounds never heal. The child may act out, including having temper tantrums, facing challenges in making friends, and remaining suspicious of the motives of others.
Essentially, our inner child is the forgiving, free-spirited part of us that still feels and experiences life as a child. But, just as it carries the positive aspects of being a child (like innocence, joy and creativity), it also carries the wounding of our past.
Your inner child is the part of you that's defined by your experiences while growing up. If you've experienced trauma, your inner child may need a bit of extra attention and care. Working with a therapist or communicating with your inner child can help with healing that part of yourself.
Communicate aloud with your inner child
If you feel strained or upset, comfort your reflection. Speak words you would want to hear from someone you love. Speak words you never heard as a child but desperately needed to hear. Say exactly what your inner child needs to hear right now.
You can do so by saying, “I love you,” “I hear you,” “I'm sorry you feel this way,” and “Thank you for being you.” In his article “Essential Secrets of Psychotherapy: The Inner Child,” Stephen Diamond (2008) advocates acknowledging our inner child and taking him or her seriously.
That's because many people don't try to connect with their inner child, unaware that it affects their current adulthood. Our inner child affects how we respond to difficult feelings or situations in our current life. We may not be aware of the connection, but the past is often connected to the present.
The inner child's main concern is safety and when triggered, her fears can control our adult behavior below our conscious awareness, limiting us in a variety of ways, until we become conscious of this.
The inner child reflects the child we once were in both his or her 'negative' and 'positive' aspects. Both our unmet needs and suppressed childhood emotions, as well as our childlike innocence, creativity, and joy, are still waiting within of us.
Signs that someone has unresolved inner child issues also include (but are not limited to) lack of self-esteem, eating disorders, poor body image, identity problems, rebellious behavior, commitment issues, intimacy problems, general fear of trusting oneself and other people, and even addiction.
In order to properly heal PTSD, getting effective treatment, such as PTSD counseling, is key. While healing childhood trauma is not always easy, it is possible! Trauma-based therapy can help you pinpoint triggers, create healthy coping mechanisms, and lessen the severity of your symptoms.
Childhood trauma can manifest itself in different ways as an adult, including mental health challenges like depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.