They tell you they “never said that,”- but you know they did. This is a common gaslighting behavior. They'll deny saying something that they definitely said. In fact, they'll say, “I never said that,” so vehemently that you'll start believing them and doubting yourself.
If you hear unfavorable, false gossip about yourself, you are a victim of gaslighting. You overhear the suspected gaslighter loudly criticizing others. In this case, the gaslighter is a coworker who lies to you about why they didn't finish their part of the project.
Being a perpetrator of gaslighting is treated seriously by authorities and may soon be considered a crime in parts of Australia.
Gaslighting is classic abuse of power. It is bullying. It's a manipulate power-game, which individuals or groups of individuals play within a workplace with deliberate intent to control an individual or control a situation. A perpetrator could be a co-worker or a line manager.
Gaslighting happens in abusive relationships, in the workplace, and even in medical settings. According to Psychology Today, gaslighting is “a tactic in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality.” Gaslighters manipulate to control you.
If we stick to the clinical definition, gaslighters have two signature moves: They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.
When you confront gaslighters about their behavior, they often change the subject or counter-attack by telling you that it's all your fault or you are the one with the problem.
Examples of gaslighting may include a boss who calls you hypersensitive for reporting a coworker that made inappropriate remarks. They may also question your recollection of the events, leading you to feel like an imposter or question yourself.
Gaslighters have fragile egos and low self-esteem, so use your own inner strength to keep the balance of power in your favor.
The term comes from a 1938 mystery thriller called Gas Light where a diabolical husband drives his wife slowly mad by making up false memories and denying facts. In the workplace, gaslighting is a form of harassment that often goes underreported because it is difficult to prove.
The term gaslighting is used to refer to a form of psychological manipulation where the perpetrator tries to convince you that you're losing your mind or can't trust your own memory, perceptions, and judgment. Manipulative tactics are often used to mess with your mind whether the gaslighter is your boss or a loved one.
In order to control their direct reports and others, a manager who gaslights will get defensive when confronted and try to manipulate you into believing that the issue is your fault. You may, for example, complain of inappropriate behavior or humor in the workplace.
Along with questioning their own reality and beliefs, gaslighting victims often feel isolated and powerless. Gaslighting abuse symptoms also include low self-esteem, disorientation, self-doubt, and difficulty functioning in school, at work, or in social situations.
Gaslighting can happen at your workplace and you don't have to tolerate it. If you think you are being gaslighted, be sure to keep a record of the abuse, speak to trusted colleagues, and try to work things out with the gaslighter. If this doesn't work, take the issue to HR or another higher-up person.
Ask for help and let your loved one's know what you have experienced. Seek out professional help from your GP or a counsellor. If the behaviour has become physically abusive, controlling, or abusive, report it to the Police.
Narcissistic gaslighting examples of this tactic include suggesting you're “confused,” “mixed up” or “misremembering.” Alternatively, they may take the opposite approach, saying something like, “I have no memory of that” or, “I don't know what you're talking about.”
It is unlikely that ignoring a gaslighter will result in them stopping this behavior. Arguing with a gaslighter is also futile as the chances of them admitting they were wrong are very low. It is better not to argue and to stop explaining yourself and seeking their approval.
Others who gaslight might not be aware that they're doing it. Yet, unknowingly, they may continue to gaslight because of the payoff they get: a boost to life, confidence, and superiority.