Finding a support group or connecting with others who have experienced parentification trauma can be helpful in the healing process. It can help you feel less alone and provide a safe space to share your experiences and learn from others.
Long-Term Parentification Effects
The ongoing stress of such experiences actually changes the brain—shrinking the hippocampus, the part of the brain that regulates memory, emotion, and stress management. Hence, adults who were parentified as children or teens may experience the following: Inability to trust others.
Because parentified children often do not learn healthy boundaries and attachment, many have difficulties in their relationships as adults. They may have trouble trusting others or have an inappropriate sense of entitlement or authority” (Armas, 2022; Lewis, 2021; Newport, 2019).
However, there is a second type of trauma that is very real and pervasive, yet not captured by the traditional diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The term Complex PTSD describes chronic childhood trauma, such as emotional neglect or parentification, that is invisible in nature.
As voiced by many on TikTok, the syndrome can impair eldest daughters' wellbeing and “steal” their childhood as they are rushed into assuming a disproportionate amount of adult responsibilities – also known as parentification.
There are various types of trauma and negative events that can be destructive to a child's development. One such type is parentification trauma, which occurs when children are forced to take on adult roles sooner than is appropriate for their developmental level.
In addition to being burdened with numerous tasks, the children are left alone to deal with their own development and meeting their needs. Paradox- ically, the parentified children experience loneliness even though they func- tion within the family – which should be their closest environment.
Parentification Causes
Typically, a child may be parentified if a parent is unable to fulfill their own role as a parental figure for various reasons. These reasons may include: Divorce. Chronic illness, disability, or a death in the family.
However, there are often negative effects of parentification in childhood. Many parentified children can grow up with higher levels of anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
Emotional Parentification
Parents "confide secrets in their child or go to their child for emotional comfort, instead of vice versa," says Dr. Kennedy. Children who experience emotional parentification might give advice on grown-up situations, diffuse household arguments, or comfort their siblings during trying times.
One study published in 2020 revealed that some children may benefit from parentification. Research published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies suggests that parentification may give some children feelings of competence, self-efficacy, and other positive benefits.
In adulthood: Being raised by a parent who is emotionally or physically negligent can include higher risks of anxiety, depression, or other mental health diagnoses, as well as intense feelings of anger and shame toward themselves and feelings of contempt for their parent.
Having a childhood with this type of parent taught you that your needs and emotions don't matter. So as an adult, you're likely to question your thoughts and perspectives, doubt yourself and have low self-esteem. You may feel unheard, misunderstood, unloved, put down or trivialized.
Parentification can occur when one or both parents have mental health issues and it seems to be common in narcissistic families where the family is structured around getting the needs of parents met, rather than providing a healthy environment where children are nurtured.
Often parentified children are the oldest or middle in the birth order. Children of all genders can become parentified. Children as young as two or three may start to take on parenting responsibilities by comforting or feeding their younger siblings.
Family Therapy
The sooner parentifying is identified within a family, the better. If caught early, family therapy can be used to reverse this toxic family dynamic. A competent therapist may be able to help the parent recognize the unintentional harm they're inflicting on their child and begin to make healthy changes.
If you are a parent who is prone to intense mood fluctuations more frequently than others such that it makes your child “walk on eggshells” around you, and if you are a parent who is emotionally unpredictable to an extent that your child feels responsible for taking care of you out of guilt, the term “eggshell parents” ...
In emotional parentification, the child becomes responsible for helping the parent manage their emotions. In instrumental parentification, the child becomes responsible for running the household and meeting the family's daily needs, such as grocery shopping, cooking, and house cleaning.
For some parents, infancy is the hardest. For others, it's toddlerhood. Some parents feel that the preschool years present special challenges.
Every stage of parenting has its challenges, but one poll reveals what age most parents feel they struggled with the most.
One aspect of overcoming parentification is to learn to establish and maintain healthy boundaries with your romantic partners, family members, friends, colleagues, and community members. These boundaries should empower you to get your needs met in relationships and allow others to support you.