Someone suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) may start giving you the silent treatment. Manipulation, difficulty controlling and regulating emotions, and the consequences of fear of abandonment are the most common causes of this behavior.
Family members may be quick to deny or argue the feelings experienced the person with BPD. If these feelings are ignored, the individual may resort to self-destructive ways to express their emotions.
Being ignored stimulates the part of the brain that detects physical pain, so silent treatment is very emotionally and physically painful. It can lead to negative emotions, like distress and anger. In addition, people who are often ignored tend to have lower self-esteem and feel that their lives have less meaning.
For many folks with BPD, a “meltdown” will manifest as rage. For some, it might look like swinging from one intense emotion to another. For others, it might mean an instant drop into suicidal ideation. Whatever your experience is, you're not alone.
Additionally, the hypersensitivity that BPD causes can result in outbursts to perceived insults and can damage personal relationships and lead to rejection and isolation. This can then set the stage for further sadness, anger, and fears of abandonment, which perpetuate the cycle of rejection and hostility.
While much of our time together is wonderful, there are times when you push me away and our relationship is compromised. I know that you don't want to push me away, but you are driven by your pain. I want to be there with you when you are in pain but I cannot if you push me away. I cannot take your pain away.
Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) affects many areas of a person's life, including their relationships. People with BPD may be sensitive to rejection and abandonment and are prone to splitting, rage, and impulsivity. If a person with BPD feels rejected or abandoned, they may end the relationship.
So, what exactly does the BPD break up cycle look like? It can look like fear of abandonment, distrust of a partner, cheating, lack of communication and self-blame. It can look like idolizing a partner, confusing strong emotions for passion, anxiety and overreacting to interactions perceived as negative.
Instead, they see something as completely good or completely bad, and their assessment may switch back and forth rapidly. A person typically splits unconsciously or without realizing it.
Acknowledge the other person's feelings
Try to stay present and listen empathically. If the person responds in a threatening or abusive way, it is important to remove oneself from the situation until they calm down. Talk to a doctor, therapist, or trusted friend for help.
If someone displays unmanageable emotions and easily flies off the handle, this is a serious red flag. Responding with uncontrollable rage or the "silent treatment" could point to abusive (physical or emotional) behavior in the future, says Trombetti.
If done in a friendly, gentle manner,these gestures sends the message that you aren't taking them so seriously and it gives them permission to back down and not take themselves so seriously. If your colleague or boss has no sense of humor, or is truly a narcissist, this will backfire, so be careful!