How do you say goodbye to someone on their deathbed?
Tell them how much you love them and will miss them. Talk about fond memories or funny stories from their past. Let them open up to you about their fears or worries. Provide a listening ear and a source of comfort for them whether or not they can communicate with you near the end.
“Mama” is one of the most common last words that people speak. Some people's last utterances are curse words. Others may mumble a word that holds significance to them – but it may mean nothing to their families – for their final words.
“The easiest way to find out how you feel about someone. Say goodbye.” “Life is made of so many partings welded together.” “I don't have to be so afraid of goodbye, because goodbye doesn't have to be forever.”
Research suggests that even as your body transitions into unconsciousness, it's possible that you'll still be able to feel comforting touches from your loved ones and hear them speaking. Touch and hearing are the last senses to go when we die.
Visual or auditory hallucinations are often part of the dying experience. The appearance of family members or loved ones who have died is common. These visions are considered normal. The dying may turn their focus to “another world” and talk to people or see things that others do not see.
“Avoid clichés or platitudes,” notes psychiatrist and author Dr. Marcia Sirota. “Saying things like, 'Everything happens for a reason,' and, 'It's God's will,' can make the person feel like their illness is their fault.” Remarks like “You're strong” and “You'll get through this” are equally problematic.
Pulse and heartbeat are irregular or hard to feel or hear. Body temperature drops. Skin on their knees, feet, and hands turns a mottled bluish-purple (often in the last 24 hours) Breathing is interrupted by gasping and slows until it stops entirely.
How do you say goodbye when you know you are dying?
Ways to say goodbye
You might set aside a time to talk to each person individually. Or, if you are physically up to it, you might have a gathering for friends and family. Other ways to say goodbye include documenting insights, requests, thanks, advice, recipes, memories or anything else that is important to you.
One of the wildest innovations is “living funerals.” You can attend a dry run of your own funeral, complete with casket, mourners, funeral procession, etc. You can witness the lavish proceedings without having an “out-of-body” experience, just an “out-of-disposable-income” experience.
For years, it's been a rule of thumb among healthcare circles that a dying patient will still retain the ability to hear and understand their surroundings even after all other senses have shut down. “Never assume the person is unable to hear you,” advises the British organization Dying Matters.
