So how do you apologize when you aren't wrong, or rather, if you believe you aren't wrong? Start by acknowledging how the other person feels. Like any other apology, express regret over what happened. If you're apologizing on behalf of someone on your team, don't make excuses for them.
Apologizing doesn't mean you need to take responsibility for things that were not your fault. You can express regret at unintentionally hurting someone's feelings, but you don't have to say you "should have known better" if you truly feel there is no way you could have known your actions would hurt them.
A phrase designed to elicit an apology from the other party, whereby the original apologizer can deflect full responsibility to that other person; usually said in a hostile or sarcastic tone and often followed by an explicit or implicit “…but this is really your fault”
This one takes a bit of finesse and sleight-of-hand to pull off and it may actually work in the moment; it usually includes more than a little blame-shifting too. Yes, the words “I'm sorry” are included in this one; it's the construction of the apology you have to pay attention to.
5. You're the only one apologising. Toxic people will never apologise for their words and actions because they can't see anything wrong with them. They feel that they are the victim and will often twist and retell what happened to such an extent that they honestly can't see an alternative perspective.
How do you apologize to someone you hurt unintentionally?
Protect yourself from the damage of chronic inflammation.
Acknowledge the offense. Take responsibility for the offense, whether it was a physical or psychological harm, and confirm that your behavior was not acceptable. ...
When abusers apologize with the goal of gaining ultimate control of their victim, gaslighting is often the method they use. By apologizing, they place doubt in their victims' minds. “They apologized to me, so they can't be as terrible as I remember them being.”
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry. But you know I would never deliberately hurt you.
What is it called when someone apologizes but then blames you?
A non-apology apology, sometimes called a backhanded apology, nonpology, or fauxpology, is a statement in the form of an apology that does not express remorse for what was done or said, or assigns fault to those ostensibly receiving the apology.
Narcissists may use a blame-shifting apology, where they apologize but then shift the blame onto the other person. For example, they may say, “I'm sorry I yelled at you, but you made me so angry.” This type of apology does not take responsibility for their actions and places the blame on the other person.
Passive voice, such as, “I'm sorry the wrong link was given to you.” Knee-jerk apologies that aren't really thought out can come across as insincere, or the apologizer may regret what they said in the moment. Passive-aggressive apologies are also insincere and intended to make the recipient feel badly.
But apologies are too often used as a quick fix for our uneasiness. When we focus more on our own discomfort than on the distress of the other person, our apology is selfish, and selfish apologies are usually ineffective.
It's what you say to someone when you know you need to apologize, but are so annoyed or frustrated that you can't muster even a modicum of real feeling to put behind it.
Postpone your answer. Don't give them an answer on the spot. ...
Question their motivations. Manipulators often hide their real motivations because they don't like to take responsibility for their own actions and behaviors. ...
A genuine apology shows that you feel sorry for your actions and want to do better. It also gives the other person a chance to process their own feelings. You've taken the first step to fix the damage.
1 Apologize unconditionally. At the beginning of your apology letter, write “I'm sorry for . . .” or “I apologize for . . .” followed by what you're specifically remorseful about. ...
Over-apologizing dilutes our apologies when they're needed. And over-apologizing can make us look less confident. It can seem as though we're sorry for everything - for our actions and feelings, for taking up space, for our mere existence.
