The best way to confront a narcissistic liar is by using their tactics against them. Remember, they don't like it when you start shouting back at them or use emotional manipulation. They want to stay in control of the situation and actively seek out people who will be easy to manipulate.
In addition to deflecting blame, they will devalue you and make you wish you had never confronted them. Devaluing is a huge part of the narcissistic relationship. When it comes to devaluing you, catching them in a lie will be no different than dealing with any other conflict.
Calling out the narcissist really has no benefit. They won't start to acknowledge their wrongs and make efforts to change. By calling them out, you just open yourself up to more abuse from the narcissist. This might be hard to hear because this means you are left with no way to be heard for how you are being treated.
They just can't stop them. With narcissists, as we've seen, there is usually a reason for the lies – and sometimes even a deliberate manipulative strategy. So while narcissists lie frequently, the narcissistic liar is not a pathological liar, in the strictest sense.
If you point out that someone is lying or cheating and they react by turning the tables and making you feel as though you are in the wrong or mistaken, that could be a sign of narcissistic rage.
Narcissist Lies Often Turn Into Gaslighting
For the NPD, the lies are often a prelude to gaslighting. Gaslighting is a psychological weapon used by some to keep a person emotionally off-balance. When they lie to the person's face about what may have occurred, they cause the victim to question their own sanity.
Narcissists lie to maintain power and control over the people they interact with. They are driven by an intense need for admiration, attention, and adoration, which can never be fully satisfied; therefore, their lies protect against any perceived threat of being exposed as inadequate or phony.
Narcissists and sociopaths are masters of pathological lying. They gain a sense of duping delight from being able to pull the wool over the eyes of their many romantic prospects. Sometimes, they lie to protect themselves and to prevent themselves from being caught cheating.
React with empathy and respect.
A narcissist thrives on conflict, and will take control of the conversation as soon as you get defensive or try to fight back. Instead, you can take control by making empathetic statements about the situation, which will help the narcissist calm down.
Ask them questions about their faulty logic. Narcissists say unbelievable or strange things without realizing it. A simple clarifying question directed back at them will give them pause. They'll often do a total 180 and change opinions, ideas, or stories when they realize how bizarre their claims were.
Narcissists are hurt by challenges or threats to their superior and grandiose self-image (also known as narcissistic injury). Their sense of entitlement and lack of empathy means they will attempt to destroy the culprit by any means necessary.
Narcissistic rage can be triggered in a person with NPD when they perceive that those near them are questioning their abilities, or they are not being appreciated and recognized. These actions lead to feelings of extreme shame and fear that someone will see their vulnerable side.
They want you to love them.
They may be telling you that they love you because they so desperately want you to love them. This is a part of the love bombing stage of the narcissistic relationship. They want you to feel valued, idealized, and perfect for them so that you will feel the same way about them.
The best way to shut down a narcissist is to walk away from them. If all else fails, you can physically remove yourself from the conversation. Even if they keep talking, simply turn around and walk away. If they follow you, close the door.
Often, they keep deviating from the topic or shift the blame. You could say that narcissists act have overinflated egos and perceive things differently; this is why they might perceive the lies as their truth and act accordingly. Thus, they do not believe they lie and distort the truth.
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".