Child emotional neglect (CEN) is the parent's failure to meet their child's emotional needs during the early years. It involves unresponsive, unavailable, and limited emotional interactions between that person and the child. Children's emotional needs for affection, support, attention, or competence are ignored.
Emotionally neglectful parents may be loving and well-intentioned but they still, perhaps through no fault of their own, fail to notice your feelings and respond to them enough. And by failing you in this way, emotionally neglectful parents fail to teach you the emotion skills you will need for your lifetime.
This can make it hard to identify the problem. There are three different types of emotionally neglectful parents: well-meaning, struggling, and self-involved. Becoming aware of the emotional neglect you grew up with and understanding the type of parents you have can help you heal.
They are feeling their confusing feelings because of what's missing in their families: emotional warmth, connection, and validation.
“When a person's first attachment experience is being unloved, this can create difficulty in closeness and intimacy, creating continuous feelings of anxiety and avoidance of creating deep meaningful relationships as an adult,” says Nancy Paloma Collins, LMFT in Newport Beach, California.
A child who has experienced this type of trauma and holds much shame may show us behaviours such as: envy, anger, and anxiety, effects of sadness, depression, depletion, loneliness, isolation and avoidance. They will highlight to us their inadequacy, their powerlessness and at times their own self-disgust.
For children, affectional neglect may have devastating consequences, including failure to thrive, developmental delay, hyperactivity, aggression, depression, low self-esteem, running away from home, substance abuse, and a host of other emotional disorders. These children feel unloved and unwanted.
Signs that your parent is emotionally unavailable
They respond to children's emotions with impatience or indifference. They avoid or prevent discussion of negative emotions. They're dismissive or overwhelmed when the child has an emotional need.
They do not respond well to the needs of their children and provide little affection, support, or love. They also make very few demands on their children. They rarely set rules and do not offer guidance or expectations for behavior.
A serious sign of emotional neglect is the lack of empathy. If your child doesn't display empathy toward others experiencing pain, whether toward people or animals, then you should intervene. This could be a critical sign of emotional neglect, which can manifest itself in the form of lack of empathy.
Withdrawal from friends or usual activities. Changes in behavior — such as aggression, anger, hostility or hyperactivity — or changes in school performance. Depression, anxiety or unusual fears, or a sudden loss of self-confidence.
The immediate emotional effects of abuse and neglect—isolation, fear, and an inability to trust—can translate into lifelong consequences, including poor mental health and behavioral health outcomes and increased risk for substance use disorder.
Emotional Neglect is Complex Trauma
Complex-PTSD, also known as relational trauma or childhood trauma, is more than a single event. It is a series of events or one prolonged event perpetuated by a caregiver or someone else in the child's life who is supposed to protect them, not hurt them.
Most unresolved childhood trauma affects self-esteem and creates anxiety. Did you suffer a serious childhood illness? If so, you were likely isolated at home or hospitalized. This meant being removed from normal social activities and you probably felt lonely, maybe even worried about being different.
Such a child may seem “spacey”, detached, distant, or out of touch with reality. Complexly traumatized children are more likely to engage in high-risk behaviors, such as self-harm, unsafe sexual practices, and excessive risk-taking such as operating a vehicle at high speeds.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Unfortunately, it is something children today experience too. If your children are not touched, they can get into a deficit state that can lead to negative mental health as well as show up as psychosomatic symptoms. These symptoms could include a headache, abdominal pain, anxiety, and sadness, to name a few.
If your daughter feels unloved, she may suffer from several emotional problems. Symptoms can include depression, anxiety, self-harm, and more. These feelings are often the result of the way her parents treated her during her childhood.
A child's basic needs, such as food, clothing or shelter, are not met or they aren't properly supervised or kept safe. A parent doesn't ensure their child is given an education. A child doesn't get the nurture and stimulation they need. This could be through ignoring, humiliating, intimidating or isolating them.
Neglectful parenting is a style of parenting defined by a lack of parental interest or responsiveness to a child. These parents are similar to permissive indulgent parents in that they lack control of their children.
Love, security and acceptance should be at the heart of family life. Children need to know that your love does not depend on his or her accomplishments. Mistakes and/or defeats should be expected and accepted. Confidence grows in a home that is full of unconditional love and affection.