Love bombing may include showering a new partner or friend with affection, compliments, gifts, or favors. All of this is done early in the relationship to establish control and a sense of trust in a partner.
The classic signs of love bombing include giving elaborate gifts, excessive texting and calling, lavishing a partner with compliments, affection, and professing strong feelings early on.
Love bombing is considered unhealthy by many relationship experts because it makes it harder for the other person to maintain their personal boundaries. According to psychoanalyst Babita Spinelli, L.P., the goal of love bombing is to make the recipient feel indebted to or dependent on the love-bomber.
Love bombing feels good because it taps into our innate need for attachment and validation. As social creatures, humans crave connection with others. When someone showers us with attention and affection, it can activate the pleasure centers in our brains and create a sense of euphoria.
Love bombing can happen intentionally or unintentionally. Although it's most often recognized by romantic partners, your family members and friends can love bomb you, too. It's usually driven by a person's insecurities, inability to trust and dependence on other people.
What may seem to be “love bombing” is actually a manifestation of the ADHD partner's “hyperfixation.” Instead of being hyperfixated on a hobby, interest, etc., the ADHD partner will be hyperfixated on their new partner.
“Love bombing is when the partner you're newly dating comes on very strong with praise, affection, and grand gestures, that make you feel like the biggest catch in the world, creating an intense connection [quickly],” explains Samantha Burns, L.M.H.C., couples therapist and author of Breaking Up and Bouncing Back.
Contrary to the popular assumption, not all love-bombing is calculated or intended to be harmful. The behavior ranges from being something that is relatively innocent albeit naïve, to being emotionally devastating or even life-threatening, such as when carried out by leaders of cults.
Love bombing typically takes place during a courtship phase that can last days or weeks. It may even last for months if you seem more resistant. Ultimately, there's no set timeline for love bombing. It can continue until your partner feels they've established the necessary level of control.
“True love bombing is a weapon abusers use and it's always a red flag,” Durvasula adds. Once you know the signs of love bombing, you can protect yourself and you'll be far less vulnerable to manipulation, Johnson says.
Generally, love bombing will last for a few weeks to a few months. Love bombers tend to continue until the person is either sufficiently seduced or makes it clear they won't succumb to their efforts. Many people will see the exaggerated gestures and declarations as a red flag and get out.
When the love bombing phase ends, narcissists will begin the devaluation phase, which is often characterized as abusive, manipulative, devaluing, invalidating, degrading, confusing, dehumanizing, and inconsistent. Experiencing this phase can destroy your self-esteem, sense of self, and core values.
“If you start with clearly communicating a desire or boundary ('I want to wait to have sex') and it's ignored, even subtly ('You're so beautiful I can't help myself! '), that's a sign that high levels of affection or attention may be love bombing,” Dr. Welsh says.
Love bombing is a controlling and manipulative tactic most often used by narcissists and abusive people. They seek to quickly obtain affection and attention before tearing their victims down. They may appear charming and exciting in the beginning, but this usually fades away and is replaced with emotional abuse.
Gaslighting occurs when your partner will purposely challenge your triggers by bringing up situations that they know upset you. They then will accuse you of overacting about the situation even though they knew it would bother you.
Love bombing is where an abusive partner is bombarding 'love' onto their victim and is part of emotional abuse and coercive control. It could include excessive affection, excessive compliments, declarations of love, gifts and praise.
Love bombing is a form of manipulation, and if you suspect that your partner's behavior is consistent with this tactic then the relationship is likely to become extremely unhealthy.
By definition, love bombing, is when a person in the early stages of dating showers you with attention, compliments and gifts. This is a strategy employed by people who are narcissistic to ultimately control their partner. Genuine interest, on the other hand, is sincere.
There may be defensiveness or hurt feelings, but a loved one who isn't intentionally trying to love bomb you will listen, apologize and make the necessary changes in time.
A love bomber will always put their interests first. The relationship is secondary to their personal needs. They only use their partner and the relationship to pep their ego. An infatuated person will try to balance your needs and theirs since they genuinely care about you.
What are red flags in a relationship? Red flags are warning signs that indicate unhealthy or manipulative behavior. They are not always recognizable at first — which is part of what makes them so dangerous. However, they tend to grow bigger and become more problematic over time.
Many people who love bomb have narcissistic personality disorder, but that is not always the case. Attachment style and other factors can also play a role.
Potential Effects Of Love Bombing
This can cause them to wonder if they did something wrong and may lead to feelings of insecurity, self-doubt, and even low self-esteem, when it's likely that the person either realized they weren't an easy enough target or because they wanted the rush of control.