Gaslighting is a coercive control tactic that shifts the focus of concern from the partner's abusive behaviour to the supposed emotional and psychological instability of the survivor.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic in which a person, to gain power and control of another individual, plants seeds of uncertainty in another person's mind.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.
It happens when someone personally connected to you displays controlling and manipulative behaviour to make you feel controlled, dependent, isolated, or scared. Gaslighting is a form of coercive control used to distort victims' sense of reality and lower their self-esteem.
A gaslighter may unconsciously want to have control and avoid accountability. It can stem from not trusting themselves or other people and exerting control to cope with this insecurity. They may have learned this behavior growing up in a family that engaged in gaslighting.
Gaslighters have fragile egos and low self-esteem, so use your own inner strength to keep the balance of power in your favor.
Gaslighting in Abuse Relationships
In many cases, the gaslighter will get defensive about their actions and claim they do it out of love. I only do it because I love you. By saying this, they're making their victim feel as if their love for the gaslighter is less than what they're receiving in return.
There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors: the straight-up lie, reality manipulation, scapegoating and coercion. Last week we looked at the straight-up lie and reality manipulation. This week we are going to focus on scapegoating and coercion.
10 Signs & Red Flags You're Being Gaslighted. If you recognize these signs in your relationships, you may be the victim of gaslighting; they include denial, minimization, blame-shifting, isolation, withholding, causing confusion or doubt, criticism, projection, narcissism, and love bombing.
Certain personality disorders, including narcissistic, antisocial, and borderline personality disorders, may make a person prone to using gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of abuse, and it's never the survivor's responsibility to try to help an abuser see the error of their ways and get help.
One main way people gaslight is by shifting blame to another person in order to avoid accountability, which is also known as deflection. For example, Spinelli says a gaslighting parent might blame their child for their own mistakes, or an abusive partner could somehow blame the victim for the abuse.
Highly sensitive people and empaths are more susceptible to gaslighting because they do not trust themselves and their intuitions. They doubt their own perspective even when they sense that something is wrong.
A gaslighter believes their own lies and is insistent upon them which makes the person question themselves.
Some gaslighters who use the tactic as a manipulation tool are often aware of their behavior and use it intentionally to control and manipulate their victims. However, some others may not be aware of their behavior and may genuinely believe their distorted version of reality.
If we stick to the clinical definition, gaslighters have two signature moves: They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.
They reframe your motives to be the opposite of your intentions. They make you feel like you imagine things. They pretend to be an ally and then become cold. They isolate you from colleagues and friends.
Narcissistic gaslighting examples of this tactic include suggesting you're “confused,” “mixed up” or “misremembering.” Alternatively, they may take the opposite approach, saying something like, “I have no memory of that” or, “I don't know what you're talking about.”
However, not all narcissists gaslight, and similarly, not all people who gaslight are narcissists. In other words, if someone gaslights you, it does not necessarily mean they are narcissistic. It can happen unintentionally or from a place of wanting to be right, rather than wanting to control another person.
Instead, the opposite of that statement about gaslighting is to deliberately and systematically [feed someone] true information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves.
Gaslighting may be caused by a number of different things. A person often gaslights as a way to gain power and control over others and situations. On the other hand, a person may gaslight because they grew up with parents who were gaslighters, and they learned these behaviors as they grew up.
Jamie Schenk DeWitt, a psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles told Newsweek: "A gaslighting apology is a conditional apology that makes the person apologizing appear as if they are sincerely saying 'I am sorry,' but they aren't taking any responsibility for hurting you.
Being a perpetrator of gaslighting is treated seriously by authorities and may soon be considered a crime in parts of Australia. Gaslighting is an aspect of coercive control, which is set to be outlawed in NSW and QLD, with other states likely to follow suit.