While people have known for years that friendships are unquestionably good for your health, experts say it's only natural for acquaintances and even friends to fall by the wayside as time goes on – and it's nothing to feel guilty about. If you really do miss someone, you can always reach back out.
What Makes Us Hesitant to End a Friendship? Feeling we owe loyalty to a friend, regardless of the relationship balance. Some people have no trouble letting go of friendships—they are able to clearly assess whether or not a relationship has value for them, and if not, they let it go.
There are many reasons why you might feel like you don't need friends. Preferring solitude, being close to members of your family, and being busy with other things are just a few factors that may play a role. Fear of being disappointed or hurt by friends can also be a contributing factor.
Key Takeaways to Deal With the Loss of a Friendship
Give yourself the space and time you need, just like you would with a romantic breakup or any other loss. It will get better, but don't stuff your emotions. If you are struggling to work through this, reach out for support. Wish your friend well, and then let them go.
The most common reason isn't tension; it's just that friendships fizzle out, both experts say. Friends move, get a new job, start a family and may just gradually stop talking to each other. One study found we lose about half our friends every seven years, Franco says.
You have little or nothing to talk about
Sometimes, friends drift apart, whether you have less in common or life circumstances have changed. If you have little or nothing to talk about anymore, it may be a sign your friendship as you knew it has come to an end.
As you change and grow, you may find that old friendships no longer fit. You may drift apart naturally or realize suddenly that you're in an unhealthy relationship.
A lost friendship comes with the loss of shared joys and sorrows, an emotional support system, inside jokes, and a long inventory of fond memories. Friendships are built on trust and understanding. When that bond is broken, it leaves us with a void in our hearts that's difficult to fill.
A toxic friendship often feels exhausting, frustrating, and disappointing. It may seem as if the entire dynamic is one-sided. It may also seem like whatever you give just isn't good enough. Toxic friends may be pessimistic, hurtful, or manipulative within the relationship.
At every stage, we're trying to figure out how to navigate friendship,” she says. Research tells us that, for both men and women, the age of 25 is when most of us start losing friends. “Suddenly, your friends disappear, or you all start taking new life directions as you graduate from college,” Jackson says.
They don't have any friends.
If your new partner is somewhat of a lone wolf, that could be cause for concern. Jessica Harrison, a licensed professional counselor and owner of Courageous Counseling and Consulting, says a lack of long-term friendships is a major red flag.
First, we have fewer close friends. According to the May 2021 American Perspectives Survey of over 2,000 adults, 12% of Americans report having no friends, up from under 3% in the 1990s.
This is quite common and is an indicator you're growing as an individual, or, maybe the people around you are outgrowing you. Either way, this is normal. In addition, this might happen because you have fewer things in common or don't have many shared experiences anymore.
Quite often, we associate post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) with extremely traumatic events in our lives, but the loss of a friendship that we thought would fulfill us can also be extremely jarring and traumatic. Friendship PTSD is often caused by friendships that have ended suddenly and badly.
Allow yourself to be emotional
If the friend you lost was a close one, you are probably going to be upset. You might even cry, too. That's NORMAL! Allow yourself to feel these strong emotions and identify them.
Guilt because we have "failed" the friend.
When a relationship fails, some feel it's their fault. They feel guilty for not being “better” friends. They also may be hesitant to end a friendship if they feel that the person doesn't have many other friends and they feel sorry for him or her.
If you don't feel like your friend accepts you and you can't be yourself around them or if you continuously walk away from your interactions feeling poorly about yourself, it's time to consider what is happening in the friendship dynamic that is having such an impact on how you feel about yourself.
Finding the line of healthy detachment means letting go emotionally of that person or what they are doing that troubles your peace of mind without avoiding them. It's taking a step back from the situation, trying to find a solution for the bigger problem instead of proving you are right.
"You might also notice that they are often unavailable or unresponsive. They don't get back to your texts or messages, or they take a really long time to reply. It can feel like you're the one always reaching out, and they don't make an effort to keep in touch," says Lev. Think about who is initiating the conversation.
The most significant factors in ending a friendship were discovered to be, broadly, selfishness, being more likely to end friendships with those who looked after their own interest, were not supportive of them, were dishonest, and were taking without giving, among the prime reasons.
Common Feelings After Losing a Best Friend
The five stages of grief is a framework that includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. After losing a best friend, you may experience some or all of these feelings.
What he discovered was that only about 30 percent of our closest friends remain tried and true after seven years, and 48 percent remain in our immediate social network (meaning we actually talk to or hang out with them on occasion).
Signs that a friendship should end include no longer having much in common or feeling drained by seeing them. Other signs may include competitiveness, harsh judgment, and a lack of respect for boundaries.
Obviously, most people don't meet all of their friends during childhood and, unfortunately, not all friendships last forever. The poll found that the average friendship lasts for 17 years, however, 17 percent say they've had the same best friend for over 30 years!