Yes, you should read it over several times aloud, but you're going to be reading it. The practice of reading the eulogy aloud is so that you don't stumble on the words and so that you place pauses and emphasis where they belong.
The eulogy itself is typically given by a close family member, friend or a minister. There's no reason why two people cannot deliver the eulogy, or in some cases, it may be more appropriate to open the eulogies to all attendees.
In a eulogy, do not say anything about the person's cause of death, grudges and old grievances, arguments, character flaws, family rifts, or negative memories. Instead, share good memories and leave it out when in doubt.
"Talking or being on your phone during the service is one of the most disrespectful things you could do at a funeral," says Myka Meier, Beaumont Etiquette founder and etiquette expert. It's important to be as present as possible. "Silence your phone, shut off your phone, or even just leave it behind.
While there are no strict rules for writing a funeral eulogy, they often contain anecdotes, reflections on the person's life, and words of comfort to those listening in the audience.
Don't Memorize
You don't need to nor should you try to memorize your eulogy speech unless you are an accomplished public speaker. Doing so will amplify your nervousness and, with the first misspoken word, will destroy your confidence.
If you're unsure how to end your eulogy, finish with a simple goodbye, or a thank you for the memories you shared. You might choose to use traditional phrases like 'rest in peace' or 'sleep well'. Or you can use something less formal, like a greeting or joke you used to share with the person who has died.
The best eulogies are respectful and solemn, but they also give mourners some comic relief. A bit of roasting is fine if it suits who the person was and the family has a sense of humor. Close your eulogy by directly addressing the person who died, something like “Joe, thank you for teaching me how to be a good father.”
The most important part is to focus on how and why they were important to you; eulogies don't need to be polished and perfect. It can be helpful to step away from a first draft and revisit with a fresh pair of eyes. Share your first draft with friends or family members for their input.
For your opening statement, introduce yourself and who you were to the deceased. For example: “Hello everyone, for those of you that don't know me, I'm Jim and I'm Flora's oldest grandchild.”
Most people want to hear good things about a person who has died, and forget the bad things. But people don't become saints just because they die. Your audience will want to feel you have captured the essence of the person – what makes them special. So be honest, but selective.
A good eulogy is usually between 3-5 minutes long, but can be as long as 10 minutes. This should be more than enough time to include everything you want to say about your loved one, but not so long that you risk losing people's attention.
A eulogy will normally be around three to five minutes long, and should take no longer than ten minutes. A funeral eulogy of between 500 and 1000 written words will take from around three and a half to seven and a half minutes to read aloud.
Who Gets to Write a Eulogy? A eulogy is most often written by an immediate family member or loved one of the deceased individual. This person should have spent a lot of time with the deceased and know them better than anybody else. Anybody can be a eulogizer from parents, to friends, to children.
We find that most eulogies are between five and ten minutes in duration. If you are sharing the eulogy with others aim for around three minutes each. Adjust the content of your remembrance speech to ensure it is not too brief, or too lengthy.
Eulogies can take many forms. Some people who deliver a eulogy choose to open with a poem, a religious reading, or a personal anecdote, while others might choose to use these elements as a closing thought. Regardless of which approach you choose, a reliable structure involves three parts: a beginning, middle, and end.
If during the ceremony there has been a few laughs along the way, I often ask the guests to give the speakers a clap. It is a huge accomplishment for many speaker so thanking them in this way is appropriate. The celebrant has the ability to set the tone for the ceremony. Please don't make is sadder than it has to be.
Don't tell friends or family members who are grieving that their loved one has gone to a better place. Never call the death a blessing or speculate that it was that person's time. Avoid saying anything that suggests that the loss of the loved one is a positive thing.
What shouldn't I say? Avoid platitudes that can perceived as insensitive, like "He's in a better place," and "The pain will lessen in time." Don't ask how the person died, or tell the bereaved you know how they feel.
Attending a visitation can be the hardest part for people to attend, because it involves talking to the deceased's family. A good recommendation is to say something simple such as “I am sorry about your loss”, especially if there are many other guests waiting to share their condolences.
Write about your loved one's personality, how they met their significant other, any pastimes they may have had, their dreams, friendships, and achievements in life. You know, what made them who they were. These stories and memories will make up the bulk of your eulogy.
What should be included in a eulogy? Your eulogy should include special memories and important details about your loved one. It should also mention what they meant to those who'll be at the funeral. Start off with a short introduction that recognises the people that have come to the funeral.