Even if what you did was completely by accident, they act like you're out to get them and hurt them. So I think the best thing to do is ignore them. Try to address the problem as best as you can and be cooperative – and totally let their emotional waves splash over you like nothing. Don't even acknowledge them at all.
Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and licensed therapist, wants anyone who is in a narcissistic relationship to stop saying one phrase: "You make me feel." It's a way of expressing yourself that has many permutations, like 'when you say that, you make me feel guilty,' or 'when you do that, you make me feel angry.
No matter how much you tell narcissists you love them, admire them, or approve of them, they never feel it's enough—because deep down they don't believe anyone can love them. Despite all their self-absorbed, grandiose bragging, narcissists are actually very insecure and fearful of not measuring up.
Engaging in any type of explanation of your decisions or actions is not effective with the narcissist. He or she is not capable of trying to see any other perspective than the one they hold to be true. They are incapable of seeing their own bad behaviors, and it is simply easier to blame you.
They don't ask you any questions about yourself (because they don't care). People with narcissistic personalities tend to care more about themselves than anyone else. They often appear disinterested in learning about you—other than superficial facts, or discovering how you can be helpful to their endeavors.
Your narcissist wants you to feel small, unlovable, powerless, and without value. This is how he controls you. He absolutely doesn't want you to live in the truth that you are lovable and have the power to make your own choices because then he loses control over you.
An often effective way to point out a person's narcissism, while at the same time allowing the individual flexibility to change, is to separate the behavior from the person. For instance, instead of stating “you're a narcissist,” say “you're acting like a narcissist,” or “this [specify the behavior] is narcissistic.”
When you don't depend on anyone to make money and you use your abundance to take care of yourself and not predators, you will always have the ability to control your own future. This is power, and pathologically envious narcissists are often turned off by it because it means they cannot easily control a victim.
Narcissists don't know they're hurting you. It doesn't even enter their minds. And, if you try to tell them how you feel, they get defensive and make you feel you're wrong again. In fact, they'll even rather “innocently” tell you: “I'm only trying to help you.”
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
Narcissists can feel emotional pain, but not usually in the same way as others. The emotional pain they may feel is usually related to underlying selfish needs. Underneath the displays of superiority and sense of entitlement, they often feel empty, powerless, and shameful, which they perceive as weakness.
This is a great quality to have because it shows you can experience empathy and consider others. While you would think this approach would be best in most any situation, one situation in which apologizing can lead to worse outcomes is with the narcissist. Never apologize to a narcissist.
Dealing with any form of narcissist can be difficult, but when you see that the narcissist is enraged, do not continue engaging with them. Physically distance yourself from them as much as you can. Ignore them and avoid any interaction with them. Set your boundaries, remembering that they will try to manipulate you.
Narcissists can sometimes be helpful and caring. However, more often than not, they only pretend to have these qualities. Moreover, even when they act giving and helping, they are not motivated by empathy because they severely lack it, and as a result, their help is often not very productive.
Narcissists want to be seen with someone who takes pride in their looks. If you want the narcissist to really obsess over you, try to look as good or better than the narcissist. Put a lot of thought into your clothes and personal grooming. Always look your best no matter how casual the situation is.
They will never be happy for you.
Without empathy, it's impossible for the narcissist to know or recognize what makes you happy. They are unwilling to think about your needs. They lack insight into your emotions. They believe you should feel the same way they feel.
2) False Flattery
Narcissists are so hungry for praise that they assume others are as well. They may tell you that you are special, that only you understand them, or that only you know how to take care of them.
It's true: Your narcissistic ex will remember you but not — never — in the way you hope they will, as the “great love of their life”. Most of the time they won't even think about you and you know why: They're too busy spinning their web to snare the next unsuspecting spider.