The four S's of a secure attachment style refer to feeling safe, seen, soothed, and secure. Making children feel these ways may help them establish healthy bonds in their adulthood.
Secure attachment is promoted by fulfilling needs in five primary conditions; felt safety (protection), feeling seen and known (attunement), felt comfort (soothing and reassurance), feeling valued (expressed delight), and felt support for best self (unconditional support and encouragement).
Secure attachment is associated with low anxiety and low avoidance. Insecure attachment includes those low on anxiety but high on avoidance (avoidant attachment) and those high on anxiety and low on avoidance (anxious attachment).
Avoidantly attached individuals generally have shallow emotional lives and feel vulnerable when expressing their emotions. They tend to avoid discussing feelings and do not openly show how they feel. Anxious attachment is associated with high levels of anxiety regarding relationships.
Avoidant adults tend to be independent. Their self-esteem is high and they do not rely on others for reassurance or emotional support. Such individuals might invest in their professional development and are likely to build up their confidence on each personal success. They seem to be in control.
They go out of their way to spend time with you.
This being said, if your avoidant partner prioritizes you and goes out of their way to spend time with you, they're likely in love. Big, big love. An avoidant in love will try to spend as much time with you as they can.
secure attachment: you are trusting and feel comfortable with intimacy and space. anxious-ambivalent attachment (or anxious attachment): you have a strong desire for intimacy combined with doubts and abandonment anxiety.
The most difficult type of insecure attachment is the disorganized attachment style.
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
Avoidant attachers are technically more compatible with certain attachment styles over others. For example, a secure attacher's positive outlook on themselves and others means they are capable of meeting the needs of an avoidant attacher without necessarily compromising their own.
The four attachment styles are secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant (also known as disorganized). The latter three are all considered types of insecure attachment.
Some common anxious attachment triggers include: A partner not replying to calls or texts. Perceiving a threat to the relationship (real or imagined), such as seeing someone flirt with your partner, or your partner bringing up a problem in the relationship. A partner going out alone with friends or coming home late.
In line with their desire for complete independence, many people with an avoidant attachment style also feel greatly triggered when a partner becomes too reliant on them. Especially if this leads to more demands for their time and attention. Having to focus on others can feel like a burden.
Impulsive behavior: Erratic behavior is one sign of attachment issues. People may jump to quick bonds with someone they want to be close with but then shun them if they feel they are not getting what they want in a relationship. Behavior can also lean toward violence, substance abuse, and mood swings.
On the other hand, people with an avoidant attachment may be attracted to anxious partners because their pursuit and need for closeness reinforce the avoidant person's need for independence and self-reliance. Anxious and avoidant partners may also seek their partner's traits due to wanting those traits in themselves.
Avoidant individuals may gravitate towards Acts of Service or Quality Time as their primary love languages, as these gestures offer connection without excessive emotional vulnerability.
After intimacy deepens, the avoidant partner loses interest in being sexual, in hugging, kissing, and perhaps even holding hands. Some avoidant partners will seem to actively limit physical proximity, such as sitting closely together on a couch where contact may be possible.