Growing up with an emotionally unavailable parent may impact your future relationships, social connections, and how well you regulate your own emotions. Self-introspection and getting in touch with your inner child can help you heal, but it's possible you may need to distance yourself from your parents for a time.
Loss of Hope, Faith, and Joy: One of the most disheartening things that can happen to a child who's survived an emotionally distant upbringing is losing all hope. Because their parents haven't been able to express themselves emotionally, there's often been a huge deficit of support.
Emotionally Absent Mothers
In fact, longitudinal studies show that boys who never bonded with their mother or other caregivers are at a higher risk for being diagnosed with oppositional defiant or antisocial disorder as an adult.
An emotionally unavailable and distant father may significantly impact his daughter's self-esteem and mental health. Depending on the severity of the rejection, a girl may develop unhealthy habits such as disordered eating or substance abuse.
Absent or unavailable is an umbrella term (not a medical term) used to describe parents who are uncaring, emotionally unavailable, narcissistic or generally display self-centred and cruel behaviours which can – and often do – tip into verbal and physical abuse.
Patients can include people that have experienced childhood abuse and domestic abuse. The truth, however, is that PTSD can happen to anyone, and it can result from any form of traumatic experience — even emotional abuse.
An emotionally absent mother is not fully present and especially not to the emotional life of the child. She may be depressed, stretched too thin and exhausted, or perhaps a bit numb. Many of these mothers were severely undermothered themselves and have no idea what a close parent-child relationship looks like.
Fathers who are emotionally unavailable
These fathers may be physically present in the home, but they do not offer the emotional connections their daughters need. A daughter may feel abandoned and incomplete, even though her father was there during her childhood.
Emotionally unavailable fathers may also contribute to a child's low self-esteem. Children who do not receive emotional support or validation from their dad may not feel valued or respected. This can lead to a lack of confidence and self-worth, which can have a negative impact on their overall well-being.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
What is Avoidant Attachment? Parents of children with an avoidant attachment tend to be emotionally unavailable or unresponsive to them a good deal of the time. They disregard or ignore their children's needs, and can be especially rejecting when their child is hurt or sick.
For those who may not be familiar, “unloved daughter syndrome” is a term used to describe the lack of emotional connection or love between a mother and her daughter. This disconnect can lead to insecurity, anxiety, loneliness, and mistrust of others.
For children, affectional neglect may have devastating consequences, including failure to thrive, developmental delay, hyperactivity, aggression, depression, low self-esteem, running away from home, substance abuse, and a host of other emotional disorders. These children feel unloved and unwanted.
Maltreatment can cause victims to feel isolation, fear, and distrust, which can translate into lifelong psychological consequences that can manifest as educational difficulties, low self-esteem, depression, and trouble forming and maintaining relationships.
Experiences with emotion invalidation make it harder for children to resolve their emotional issues and learn regulating skills. Instead, an invalidated child learns to suppress their emotions in a maladaptive way6. Chronic emotional inhibition can affect a person's psychological health and sense of self-worth.
Dr. Linehan's model of BPD includes emotional invalidation as one risk factor, and there is some strong evidence of a connection between childhood maltreatment and BPD (various forms of maltreatment, such as emotional neglect and physical abuse, are inherently invalidating of emotions).
Emotional unavailability may also develop due to experience in past relationships. Often, those who have experienced infidelity or gaslighting are fearful or hypervigilant in future relationships, causing them to protect their emotions so they don't get hurt again.
He makes you a priority
If a man is experiencing emotional unavailability, he might not consider you or fix you in his plans. But, one of the signs an emotionally unavailable man likes you is when he puts you in his plans. This means you're a priority in his life.
Children's diminished self-concept, and compromised physical and emotional security (children consistently report feeling abandoned when their fathers are not involved in their lives, struggling with their emotions and episodic bouts of self-loathing)
Potential signs you may have "daddy issues" include low self-esteem, trust issues, repeatedly entering toxic relationships, people-pleasing tendencies, jealousy or overprotectiveness in relationships, idealizing men in your life, or seeking avoidant or emotionally unavailable partners.
The Psychology of “Daddy Issues”
In modern psychology, the appropriate term for this very real type of trauma is attachment disorder.
“Symptoms of abandonment trauma can include extreme insecurity or anxiety within a relationship, obsessive or intrusive thoughts of being abandoned, and also debilitating self-esteem or self regard.” When children feel abandoned, it can leave them feeling frightened and unsafe.
Mom Burnout Is Real
Burnout can set. This can bring about feelings of anger, anxiety, helplessness, and even depression. It can also lead a person to distance themselves from others. While this can happen to any parent, it is most often seen in the primary caregiver.