A very obvious weakness of the narcissist is their inability to self-reflect and self-analyze. In fact, they're incapable of looking within to understand themselves. They usually use a number of defense mechanisms when it comes to accepting their many insecurities.
Seeking admiration – While an overt narcissist may be open about their need for glorification, covert narcissists satisfy this desire by looking for reassurance. Emotional unavailability – They may strive to appear emotionally open, but a covert narcissist tends to disregard and distance themselves from their partners.
8 Triggers of a Narcissist's Rage
They don't get their way, even if what they want is unreasonable. They feel that they've been criticized, even if the critique is constructive or said kindly. They're not the center of attention. They're caught breaking rules or not respecting boundaries.
Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.
In the case of covert narcissistic abuse, this might manifest as behavior or speech designed to lead, guide, and twist the words and actions of those around them to fit the narrative they have created. For example, they may put themselves down to manipulate others into complimenting them.
Like overt narcissism, covert narcissism may have roots in genetics, childhood trauma and learned behavior picked up from parents or other caregivers. “People often have the misconception that narcissists are being mean just to be mean, but that's not quite what's happening,” says Dr. Albers.
Unlike fine wine or cheese, narcissists don't get better with age. They don't mellow, become wise, or develop late-onset self-awareness. Their personalities intensify, and without their ability to control others, they become bitter, defensive, and bossy.
Narcissists are motivated by feeling superior and expanding their power, and so the only things that matter when helping others are receiving adulation, fame, influence, opportunities, notoriety, and other resources. They dont actually care about others because to them other people are just things to use.
Covert narcissists often behave in passive-aggressive ways. They disregard others while exaggerating their own importance. They also blame, shame, and ignore the feelings and needs of other people.
The results show that both overt and covert narcissists treat money as a symbol of power and prestige. As reported by Wink (1991), both types of narcissists possessed a grandiose sense of self. They may utilize the symbolic meaning of money in fulfilling their grandeur needs for power and attention.
Instead of engaging with people like the overt narcissist, the covert narcissist will choose to be alone because no one can live up to their high expectations.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
The tragic reality is that narcissists don't (and can't) love their children in the way that ordinary people do. They will tell you that they do (and most likely they will believe that they do), but their love can only be of the transactional, conditional type, even with their children.
Traits of a covert narcissist
The covert narcissist might seem unsure of themselves, depressed, and even unhappy with their lives, explains Kriesberg. “She says she doesn't want to be a burden, yet demands a great deal of your time and energy. She is envious of others, and feels she has gotten a bad deal in life.
Covert narcissists may not be aware of their toxic behaviors or they may not know their behavior is stemming from a personality disorder. This isn't an excuse for acting in hurtful ways, but it is something to keep in mind when dealing with a narcissist.
Narcissism is one of those traits that appears to be programmed into a person's behavioral repertoire after birth, not before. It's one of those byproducts of consistent pre-verbal interactions that can shape our adult lives, according to current thought.
The study findings suggest that narcissistic vulnerability may lead to persistent and intrusive negative feelings, which in turn can contribute to greater symptoms of depression. Another study found that perfectionism may be at least partially responsible for depressive symptoms in those with covert narcissism.
Covert narcissists tend to “rage” by talking more calmly yet incessantly for hours and hours until you say you are sorry for things that you were not responsible for. They want you to bow down to them to control you. They express rage overtly when alone with the victim.
Narcissists often look for victims who struggle with insecurity and low self-esteem. People who think less of themselves and struggle with the “I am not enough” mindset tend to attract toxic partners. People with self-esteem issues tend to think of themselves as imperfect or unlovable.
When it comes to housework, narcissism can manifest in numerous ways. Some narcissists will avoid housework like the plague because it's “below” them. Others will do plenty of housework just to make you feel continuously indebted to them.