Your tears also put the spotlight on you, which is unacceptable for a narcissist. Another reason your tears may anger the narcissist is the fact that they may feel controlled by your tears. After all, they often use their own tears to manipulate and control others.
A narcissist will be the first one to comfort you while you are crying, but they don't actually feel compassionate at all. They are observing your sadness and they want to know that it's not about them but about another person or event.
They can know they're hurting your feelings, but as long as it elevates their status, they may not care. Someone living with narcissism does cry. They can feel regret, remorse, and sadness. These emotions, however, don't often have roots in empathy.
They Face a Setback, Disappointment, or Conflict
A narcissist can become easily enraged if a setback occurs in their life, job, or relationship. Not getting their way results in both a loss of control and a bruised ego.
Key points. Narcissists do not feel guilty about abusing their loved ones because they convince themselves that whatever they do is justified. Narcissistic defenses are designed to distort reality and protect narcissists from seeing their flaws and mistakes.
Some narcissists may be able to feel bad about something they've done to hurt someone else. It isn't guilt they feel, so much as regret (or even anger) that things happened the way they did. But any “remorse” they feel is likely to be about how that behavior affected them rather than how it affected the victim.
Underneath their façade is toxic shame, which may be unconscious. Shame makes narcissists feel insecure and inadequate―vulnerable feelings that they must deny to themselves and others. This is one reason that they can't take criticism, responsibility, dissent, or negative feedback even when meant to be constructive.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
They're often introverted, sensitive, and prone to experiencing anxiety and shame. They may also struggle to maintain close friendships as they focus heavily on themselves, require attention, and are hyper-sensitive to perceived criticism.
Narcissists are hurt by challenges or threats to their superior and grandiose self-image (also known as narcissistic injury). Their sense of entitlement and lack of empathy means they will attempt to destroy the culprit by any means necessary.
Lack of Empathy
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, narcissists lack empathy. They're “unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.” (APA, 2013) Research shows that they have structural abnormalities in brain regions associated with emotional empathy.
Most narcissists enjoy an irrational and brief burst of relief after having suffered emotionally ("narcissistic injury") or after having sustained a loss. It is a sense of freedom, which comes with being unshackled.
Some narcissists like when you cry if you don't typically cry in front of people. When they know your tears are solely reserved for them, it makes them feel more important. This, in turn, can maintain some of their high egos.
They'll Become Aroused. Interestingly, some narcissists are attracted to people who cry in front of them. This usually happens when they're hunting for an egotistical supply and need fresh victims. Crying is a sign of vulnerability, so they see the tears as a way in.
Narcissists cry alone
But letting someone know is another question. Rage is far more common with others than crying. To cry is to feel what's inside because efforts never to feel what's inside predominate. This is seen behaviorally and in their actions aimed to demonstrate power and control over others.
When we look deep into a narcissists life, it's quite depressing. They are victims of their false self and are in a constant battle with themselves to keep that false mask on. They are well aware of their flaws, low self-esteem, fragile egos and inferiority complex.
For the person on the receiving end, someone experiencing a narcissistic collapse may look out of control, extremely angry, and vindictive. In some cases, it may look like someone withdrawing altogether and giving them the silent treatment.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Empathize with Their Feelings
It is extremely soothing to Narcissists when you demonstrate that you understand and empathize with how they feel. But..do not insert anything about how the situation makes you feel, or anything about you at all unless it is an apology.
The best way to shut down a narcissist is to walk away from them. If all else fails, you can physically remove yourself from the conversation. Even if they keep talking, simply turn around and walk away. If they follow you, close the door.
He is the person most insensitive to his true needs. The narcissist drains himself of mental energy in this process. This is why he has none left to dedicate to others. This fact, as well as his inability to love human beings in their many dimensions and facets, ultimately transform him into a recluse.
They demand respect, and give none in return. For a narcissist, their needs must always be put first, and they will never reciprocate those feelings for anyone else. The world revolves around them, and everyone who happens to be part of that world should go along with it.