A narcissist's "lost child" may be physically and emotionally neglected. The "lost child" may carry their trauma into adulthood and may attract partners who are neglectful and emotionally abusive.
The Lost Child is usually known as “the quiet one” or “the dreamer”. The Lost Child is the invisible child. They try to escape the family situation by making themselves very small and quiet. (S)He stays out of the way of problems and spends a lot of time alone.
Since the scapegoat child is only tolerated when they bear the faults of the parent with NPD, they can grow up with a distorted view of relationships and love as only conditional or transactional. Gravitating toward partners with narcissistic behaviors.
A golden child's sense of self and their personal boundaries are erased, as their own sense of identity is replaced with the need to live up to their role. Their behaviors and beliefs reflect what their parent expects of them, and they may feel incapable of individuation even in adulthood.
Effects of Being Raised by Narcissists
In many instances, children suffered abuse from their NPD parent and may have developed symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Dr. Brunell says, “The child typically suffers from low psychological well-being, such as low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.
Most recent theories have focused on the link between narcissism and negative childhood experiences, such as physical or sexual violence, neglect, or rejection [10,11].
Golden children are usually raised by narcissistic parents who are controlling and authoritarian. They coerce their child into being “perfect” by creating a toxic environment where the children do not feel safe voicing their own opinions or going against any rules.
They play favorites.
Narcissistic parents maintain their power by triangulating, or playing favorites. They may have a golden child who they compliment excessively, for example, while speaking badly about another child in the family.
Children of narcissists often end up in relationships with people who have narcissistic traits. These children feel like they can never be good enough for their partner or themselves, so they become codependent on the other person to make them happy and validate their self-worth.
In the dysfunctional narcissistic family system, the golden child is the most likely to develop a narcissistic personality.
Growing up with a narcissistic mother leaves lasting impacts upon a daughter, including problems in relationships, low self-esteem, perfectionism, people-pleasing, difficulty with emotions, and anxiety and depression.
This is why removal of children from parents with such personality disorder often leads to the narcissistic parent walking away. If there is no control then there is nothing for the narcissist to use to uphold the defences and so the child must be demonised.
Since the golden child has been trained to be an actor, they fail to embrace an authentic relationship with their sibling, scapegoat. There will always be sibling rivalry, which not only have they instigated but they appreciate it since it causes the separation.
The four signs are they are isolated, numb, self-sacrificing, and lack intimacy. Isolated. It makes sense that someone who hid from stress and abuse as a child will become an isolated adult. Lost children in adulthood mimic being an introvert.
Lost children spend an excessive amount of time hiding in plain sight. They expend all their energies trying not to get noticed by anyone, including teachers, other children, and their caregivers. This behavior is usually the result of neglect and abuse, where the child felt trapped and unable to escape.
Take a deep breath, for you are about to plunge into the murky depths of a complex psychiatric condition known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD.
But children who were extremely melodramatic, and who also had parents that ignored or neglected them, spoiled them constantly, or insisted on perfection, were more likely to become narcissists in adulthood.
Narcissists are known for their lack of empathy, which impacts all their relationships, including those with their mothers. They are often dismissive, neglectful, or manipulative, using their mother to fulfill their own needs without considering her feelings.
The scapegoat child's role requires them to sacrifice their own growth to remain less than the narcissistic parent. The child has to collude with the parent's claim that the problem in their relationship is the child's growth.
And although the narcissist's professions of love for their children might look convincing to the outside world (but more often, they look a little over the top), whatever feelings they do have are shallowly held, and changeable. In short, and to put it bluntly, narcissists do not have what it takes to be good parents.
How might a narcissist do this? They may seek revenge on their ex-spouse through the form of parental alienation syndrome (PAS). Through PAS, narcissists use their children as pawns to get back at their ex in an effort to prove their dominance.
Like other personality traits, narcissism is moderately heritable and partly rooted in early emerging temperamental traits (33). Some children, because of their temperamental traits, might be more likely than others to become narcissistic when exposed to parental overvaluation (16, 21).
According to Thomaes & Brummelman, the development of narcissism begins at around the ages of 7 or 8. This is the time when children begin to evaluate themselves according to how they perceive others. Although narcissism comes partly down to genes, it is also impacted by the environment.
However, some children of narcissistic parents become narcissists themselves—and it's easy to understand why. When you're raised in a family where the emphasis is on being better, brighter, more beautiful, and richer than everyone else, you may internalise these values.