When both partners have an anxious attachment style, the relationship can often limp along based on mutual fear and need. In such cases, as "safe" as partners might feel, unaddressed wounds often silently fester and manifest as anxiety and stress.
It is possible for two anxiously attached people to have a good relationship as long as they are able to communicate their emotions.
A securely attached person might be the ideal match for someone with an anxious attachment style. They're able to understand their partner's needs and therefore can help to regulate their partner's emotions.
But, with consistent communication over time, folks with an anxious attachment style can come to feel secure in their romantic relationships and develop lasting partnerships that are supportive and healing.
Anxious Attachment Style
Anxious attachment types are often nervous and stressed about their relationships. They need constant reassurance and affection from their partner. They have trouble being alone or single. They'll often succumb to unhealthy or abusive relationships.
Anxious attachment: These people may have not had their core needs met in childhood. They may have even been abandoned by a parent. As a result, they can be clingy, afraid of abandonment (even when there is no real threat), and preoccupied with thoughts of their partner.
There are four principles of attachment theory - secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganized attachment. People with an anxious attachment style are more likely to struggle with self-doubt, fall in love quickly and carry a strong fear that their partner will leave them. They often require reassurance.
Individuals with fearful-avoidant attachment push people away due to an intense fear of rejection. In this case, the act of pushing people away is done out of fear and not because of trying to maintain independence. They desperately want to feel connected but have a hard time trusting others.
Your partner may be experiencing anxious attachment in your relationship if you notice that they: Regularly seek your attention, approval, and reassurance. Want to be around you and in touch with you as much as possible. Worry that you'll cheat on them or leave them.
If you have anxious preoccupied attachment, you may have trouble feeling secure in relationships and have a strong fear of rejection and abandonment. Due to this insecurity, you might behave in ways that appear clingy, controlling, possessive, jealous, or demanding toward your partner.
Therapy. If you need extra support with your anxious attachment style, you can seek help from a therapist. Through therapy, you can learn to recognize your attachment patterns, examine your feelings about yourself and learn to approach relationships with others healthily.
Anxious attachment style is rooted in abandonment fears and care-related inconsistencies growing up. It's often developed when children are dependent on unreliable caregivers. They repeatedly learn that their caregivers may or may not come through when needed.
Adults with an anxious attachment style are often afraid of or even incapable of being alone. They seek intimacy and closeness and are highly emotional and dependent on others. The presence of the loved one appears to be a remedy for their strong emotional needs.
People high in attachment anxiety may be able to move on from past relationships quicker than those high in attachment avoidance. After anxious attachers process their distress, they typically feel emotionally capable of rebounding into another relationship.
On the other hand, the avoidant person will be attracted to the anxious person as they provide endless amounts of love, intimacy and warmth, something they perhaps didn't experience growing up.
They tend to connect and then pull away when the relationship feels too intense. They probably don't talk about (or even think about) their feelings very much. They need a lot of time to themselves and may have had a partner say they're afraid of commitment.
Avoidant individuals are less aware of the needs of their partner, while anxious individuals are hyper-aware of any perceived threat to their relationship. Interestingly enough, the attraction between these two intensely opposite individuals is often quite mutual.
According to psychologists, people with avoidant attachment styles are individuals uncomfortable with intimacy and are therefore more likely to multiply sexual encounters and cheat.
The Anxious Attachment Style Stress Response
As a result of these feelings, someone with an anxious attachment style engages their “fight” response when stressed. So, they vigilantly search for reassurance and support – especially in their relationships.
One clear sign a man is emotionally connected to you is when he truly cares for you. When you reciprocate his feelings, there is a better chance of him getting emotionally attached. He also tries to show his romantic side in his way. He might do it by talking to you for hours or taking long walks with you.
You know you have an emotional connection with someone when you care about their needs and they care about yours. "When there is an emotional connection with someone, you want them to be happy," therapist Tracie Pinnock, LMFT, tells mbg. "The fulfillment of one's desire is a major part of being happy.
Men Need Love and Affection
In plain language: Men often feel most loved by the women in their lives when their partners hug them, kiss them, smile at them, and explicitly offer gratitude, praise, and words of affection. Men also feel loved and connected through sexuality, often to a greater degree than women do.