Having quiet borderline personality disorder (BPD) — aka “high-functioning” BPD — means that you often direct thoughts and feelings inward rather than outward.
Rather than lashing out, they usually turn anger inward. They may also be socially anxious, assume everything is their fault and feel like they are a burden to others. Just like people with 'classic' BPD, they also suffer from fear of abandonment, black-or-white thinking, mood swings, and urges to self-harm.”
The main difference is that with quiet BPD, you internalize emotional struggles and episodes. While those with BPD have intense impulsivity, anger outbursts, and episodes of anxiety and depression that are obvious to those around them, turning anger inward is more typical with quiet BPD.
Frequent Mood Swings
Experiencing a frequently changing roller coaster of emotions is a common quiet BPD symptom. Someone with other BPD forms might act out towards those around them when this happens, but someone with quiet BPD often sits with their everchanging emotions in silence.
Examples of BPD splitting behavior include: Perceiving everything in black and white: Splitting forces the person into a position of thinking that everything is either perfect or awful, and since life is full of struggles and disappointments, they will usually see things as awful.
Loss or Rejection: Experiencing loss or rejection, such as the end of a relationship or a job termination, may also trigger an episode of BPD for some people. Intrusive Thoughts: Distressing images or ideas that come without warning, especially those that recall traumatic memories, may intensify BPD.
As with 'classic BPD', you have a deep fear of abandonment, but instead of fighting for attachment in the form of clinginess, in quiet BPD you believe you deserve to be abandoned. The self-loathing can drive you to isolate yourself for days and weeks.
If, in the case of regular BPD, emotional outbursts are externalised and directed towards other people, with quiet BPD, these outbursts remain hidden. A person with quiet BPD “acts in” rather than “act out”, and, even though this might not be so obvious to others, they experience deep internal turmoil.
Living with quiet borderline personality disorder can be exhausting and incredibly debilitating. It can stop a person from being able to enjoy their everyday life, as they struggle to cope with the intense thoughts and emotions that they experience.
Compared to non-patients, BPD patients showed the anticipated higher crying frequency despite a similar crying proneness and ways of dealing with tears. They also reported less awareness of the influence of crying on others.
Of the 1.4% of adults in the United States2 living with BPD, a common thread that runs through them is a special connection to a person in their lives. This individual is often described as their 'favorite person,' and may be anyone from a teacher, to a best friend, or even a family member.
Most people are unwilling to confront a friend and tell them something's wrong — but it may be the best thing you can do for that individual. You should proceed with caution, though. They could react in any number of ways and you never want to put yourself — or the other individual — in harm's way.
People with BPD often exhibit extreme reactions to ordinary circumstances. They can have intense mood swings and display dangerous behavioral patterns. Living with a person with BPD is frustrating at best and can be downright dangerous at its worst.
People with BPD score low on cognitive empathy but high on emotional empathy. This suggests that they do not easily understand other peoples' perspectives, but their own emotions are very sensitive. This is important because it could align BPD with other neurodiverse conditions.
High-Functioning BPD Symptoms
Those experiencing high-functioning BPD often alternate between pushing people away and pulling them in closer, and may similarly fall into patterns of idealizing and then devaluing others. They tend to exhibit quick switches in emotions, such as going from very happy to very irritated.
For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation. The relationship with a BPD favorite person may start healthy, but it can often turn into a toxic love-hate cycle known as idealization and devaluation.
The condition seems to be worse in young adulthood and may gradually get better with age. If you have borderline personality disorder, don't get discouraged. Many people with this disorder get better over time with treatment and can learn to live satisfying lives.
Although there is sometimes a reduction of Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms as a person ages, it is dangerous to assume that you can just wait out the disorder and hope to get better. Generally, the symptoms of BPD are worse in one's early years and tend to decrease during the 30s and 40s.
People with BPD can feel empathy and deep love for the people close to them. Covert narcissists are deep down bored and can't see past their own needs, so they often seek out a new supply for emotionally charging praise, admiration, or sympathy.
Borderline personality disorder is one of the most painful mental illnesses since individuals struggling with this disorder are constantly trying to cope with volatile and overwhelming emotions.
Maintaining a relationship with a friend or family member with BPD can be difficult. However, it's important to understand that people with BPD often engage in destructive behaviors not because they intend to hurt you but because their suffering is so intense that they feel they have no other way to survive.
The destructive and hurtful behaviors are a reaction to deep emotional pain. In other words, they're not about you. When your loved one does or says something hurtful towards you, understand that the behavior is motivated by the desire to stop the pain they are experiencing; it's rarely deliberate.