Covert narcissism is also known as shy, vulnerable, or closet narcissism. People with this subtype tend not to outwardly demonstrate arrogance or entitlement. Instead, they might put themselves down and seem anxious about what others think of them, rather than exuding charm or confidence.
The kind narcissist sees themselves as a good person. Often, they appear steady and good-natured. They are popular and well thought of. The trouble arises once more is asked of them than they want to give.
People who we might consider to be mild narcissists may be seen as very confident, exaggerate their skills or abilities, or appear somewhat arrogant.
Mild: A mildly narcissistic person might be egotistical or boastful about their accomplishments but still function well in society.
There's a lot of drama and fantasy in the life of the low-grade narcissist, often along with a sense of entitlement. “In a word, low-grade narcissistic people are often experienced as annoying,” Ramani says, contrasting them with malignant narcissists, and describing them as not fully-developed adults.
With covert narcissists, their focus on meeting their own needs is masked by more subtle manipulation and control techniques. They can come across as sweet and innocent, even shy and introverted, and can also seem very caring and helpful.
Individuals who possess a healthy level of narcissism are able to create and manage healthy boundaries with others in their lives. They value themselves and their resources, and use boundaries to communicate this to others.
Substance use disorders, trauma responses, and low self-worth may, at times, also mimic trait narcissism or even NPD.
Covert narcissism is a subtler form of overt narcissism. But because it's subtle, covert narcissism can be a little more difficult to identify and manage.
Asperger's Disorder is often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), though evident as early as age 3 (while pathological narcissism cannot be safely diagnosed prior to early adolescence). In both cases, the patient is self-centered and engrossed in a narrow range of interests and activities.
Cerebral Narcissist Traits
They hyperfocus on intellectual topics and go to great lengths to ensure others view them as the “smartest” in the room. Some defining traits of NPD in general include: Lack of empathy. Sense of entitlement.
They are fragile, projecting an inauthentic and superficial sense of self to the world. The image of themselves they project to the world is based on their grandiose sense of self, and when this is threatened, they become hostile. Narcissists refuse to accept they are anything less than what they project they are.
“Covert narcissist” describes a person who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) but does not display the grandiose sense of self-importance that psychologists associate with the condition.
Narcissism is the human experience of feeling important, needing admiration and attention, and wanting success and love. It's normal and can even be a healthy personality trait, if it's mild and occasional. It's perfectly possible to feel or act a little narcissistic, even unpleasantly so, without having a disorder.
Narcissists can and do love, but their love tends to be superficial and fleeting. They can develop intense emotional attachments—even appearing to "fall in love"—and yet still maintain a complete lack of empathy for the object of their affection.
Specifically, female narcissists are less entitled, impulsive, aggressive, and more empathetic than males diagnosed with NPD. Female narcissists also may display certain distinct traits such as a preoccupation with their appearance or being more prone to envy and jealousy than males.
Narcissists never want to be responsible unless everything goes their way. They often place all the blame and responsibility on someone else to maintain their own façade of perfection. Narcissists lack boundaries. They believe that everything belongs to them and everyone thinks and feels the same as they do.
Narcissists and psychopaths often watch a lot of TV and films, so they are able to develop cognitive empathy and mimic the behaviours that are appropriate in those situations. For example, they may know to give you a hug, but there is no feeling behind it — they're just copying what they've learned.
Narcissism tends to emerge as a psychological defence in response to excessive levels of parental criticism, abuse or neglect in early life. Narcissistic personalities tend to be formed by emotional injury as a result of overwhelming shame, loss or deprivation during childhood.
If you take accountability, have insight, and establish reciprocal relationships, you may have some narcissistic traits but not a personality disorder. The concept of narcissism refers to a continuum where you may believe in your superiority and prioritize your needs, sometimes at the expense of others.
A borderline narcissist can be described as a person who has BPD and narcissistic traits or co-occurring NPD. In such cases, the BPD individual presents with an unstable sense of self or disconnect from self, poor self-esteem, hypersensitivity to criticism, defensiveness, and feelings of insecurity.
Humble narcissists have grand ambitions, but they don't feel entitled to them. They don't deny their weaknesses; they work to overcome them. Humble narcissists don't just have more productive employees — they're rated as more effective too.
These results suggest that the self-esteem of vulnerable narcissists is low, and their fragile sense of self-worth is hypersensitive and labile, while grandiose narcissists have generally higher and more stable self-esteem.
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".