"It often coincides with breastfeeding in the baby stage, or if your baby naps on you during the day, or if your toddler is having separation anxiety and is clinging to you more than usual." Feeling touched out can make you want to scream, cry or maybe just lock yourself in the bathroom for a while for some quiet.
Most of being “touched out” isn't even all that physical-it is mentally challenging. You literally feel like your head will explode. You want to disappear. You want to run away from everyone and just be alone.
It is a natural reaction to needing a normal amount of space so that you can reclaim a sense of bodily autonomy. This is a normal human need. Second, communication about this experience with your partner is important.
If you are feeling overwhelmed as a mom, you are not alone. The “depleted mother syndrome” is a term used to describe the feeling of exhaustion and depletion that many mothers experience. It is a very real phenomenon, and it can have a significant impact on a mother's ability to function.
Prioritize your need for sleep, healthy food, and exercise. Don't feel guilty. Most of us experience this and it's totally normal. Recognize the touched out feeling for what it is- a message to you to amp up the self-care.
Sensory overload is real for both children and parents
“Overstimulation happens when our sensory system is flooded with input in a way that we cannot process effectively, such as too much input (like noise or touch) too quickly, or a sustained amount of input over time.
I want you to know that each of us, parent or not, have a limit to the amount of stress and sensory input we can take on and process in a day. Moms in particular face an onslaught of touch, sight, movement and sound stimuli day after day so it is no surprise that we get burnt out and overstimulated.
Symptoms of Mommy Burnout
Extreme mental fatigue or physical exhaustion. Being “short tempered” Feeling emotionally depleted.
A persistent, disruptive, and overwhelming exhaustion as a parent. Comparison with a previous and better self-as-parent (feeling shame and guilt about how one used to parent) Feeling as though one can no longer stand parenting and has had enough of it.
"Feeling touched out is a normal phenomenon for parents of babies and toddlers," explains perinatal mental health expert Amanda Borson Opens a new window, LCSW.
So when you feel touched out, it's actually not your body saying “I need the touching to stop.” It's your body saying “You're reaching your limit here. You need a break.” It's a warning sign to you that it's time to recharge.
Mom rage can feel different for everyone. But in general, mom rage is intense or explosive anger that often feels distinct from other types of anger or rage. This distinction commonly stems from feeling out of control, explains Sheina Schochet, a licensed therapist in New York who works with new parents.
Dr. Packard explains that educating your partner about the reality of being touched out can go a long way. “Reassure them that they are still desirable and loveable but that you are in a state of overwhelm. Let them know it's not personal.”
The physical intimacy required to parent a baby or a small child is a double-edged sword. “From breastfeeding to rocking a fussy baby, it can be so physically intimate and emotionally demanding that you may not want to be touched any more than you already are.
Low Self-Esteem. If you generally lack self-confidence and don't feel good about yourself, physical contact may be even more uncomfortable for you. This is because being touched by someone else can make you feel exposed and vulnerable in a way that magnifies any negative feelings you have about yourself.
Common Stressors Mothers Deal With
Stressed out moms are often dealing with: Lack of alone time. Feeling a need to “get it at all done” Juggling work-life balance as a primary caretaker.
Mom Burnout Is Real
Burnout can set. This can bring about feelings of anger, anxiety, helplessness, and even depression. It can also lead a person to distance themselves from others. While this can happen to any parent, it is most often seen in the primary caregiver.
There's a phenomenon that regularly occurs in parenting that we need to discuss. It's called default parent syndrome. You probably know what we're talking about: when one parent becomes the default parent and one parent becomes the back-up parent.
A stay-at-home mom should take a break at least three times a day: once before her kids wake up, once after lunch, and after the kids go to bed.
At some point, all moms feel that overwhelming dread and stress that happens because you have the responsibility of an entire family resting on your shoulders. You're under constant demand, both physically and emotionally, and it feels like you worry about your kids all the time.
Sensory demands for mums postpartum include:
The sound of the washing machine combined with baby's cries or children's shouts overloading your auditory system. Feeling hypervigilant to keep your baby safe – dialling up your threat system. Not having time to eat proper meals - hunger contributing to feeling overwhelmed.