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A Narcissistic Mother Wants to Control her Daughter
She will offer unsolicited advice, criticize her daughter's accomplishments, and put her down. Narcissistic mothers may also manipulate their daughters by playing mind games, pitting them against each other, or trying to make them feel bad about themselves.
Narcissistic parenting leaves you alone-and unable to trust. So later in life, you might experience emotional flashbacks and get triggered into intense feelings of anger, fear, shame and helpless depression.
Your narcissistic mother really does hate your body, and here's why: The simple answer is that she hates her own body and yours by extension. In her myopic view, as her daughter, you simultaneously represent her and pose a threat to her; your body is a kaleidoscope of her distorted projections.
A narcissistic mother may feel entitled or self-important, seek admiration from others, believe she is above others, lack empathy, exploit her children, put others down, experience hypersensitivity to criticism, believe she deserves special treatment, and worst of all, maybe naïve to the damage she is causing.
“You are overreacting.” “No one will ever love you with that attitude.” “You have an awful personality and can never do anything right.” “Everyone agrees that you're probably the worst person to go out with.”
Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.
PTSD from Childhood Trauma
If you have grown up with a narcissistic parent, there are many instances in which they may have traumatized you throughout your childhood. This can lead to PTSD or cPTSD in adulthood. PTSD can result from overt abuse and neglect, emotional neglect, and gaslighting.
However, some studies have also pointed out that narcissistic characteristics may not only arise from childhood environments characterized by neglect/abuse, but also from environments in which a child is sheltered or overly praised [11,14,15].
The silent treatment is an abusive method of control, punishment, avoidance, or disempowerment (sometimes these four typesoverlap, sometimes not) that is a favorite tactic of narcissists, and especially thosewho have a hard time with impulse control, that is, those with more infantile tendencies.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Ignoring a narcissist may result in them trying to get your attention through various means, including apologizing and begging for forgiveness or smearing you to others. If you want a narcissist to go away, you must ignore them consistently and permanently, or they will likely try to hoover you back into their life.
Narcissists become more manipulative as they age
Narcissistic parents can be especially dangerous as they age, as they become more adept at manipulating their children to further their own agenda. Triangulation is a common tactic they use, playing one sibling off the other in order to create divisions between them.
According to Dr. Malkin, there are three basic types of narcissistic parents — classic (extroverted), covert (introverted) and communal. It's important to understand these different types so you can better understand (and heal) from your experience growing up.
Emotionally invalidates, guilt-trips and gaslights her children. A childs reactions to her narcissistic mothers abuse are frequently met with invalidation, shaming and further gaslighting. The narcissistic mother lacks empathy for the feelings of her children and fails to consider their basic needs.
They will be extremely sensitive to criticism, manipulate their children, and constantly play the victim. A narcissistic mother is unable to give their children adequate attention and nurturing, as she will prioritize her own desires before her children's.
It's a phenomenon called the narcissistic abuse cycle. This cycle is broken down into three important phases: idealization, devaluation, and rejection. By understanding these key points, people who are struggling with narcissism or those who are in a relationship with a narcissist can get the help they need.
The ignoring mother under-parents and does not provide guidance, support, or attention. These ignoring behaviors create deep emotional gaps in a child's life that can go undetected for years. This kind of mother is also not in touch with the emotional world of the child.
“This happens when, again, there's such an inflated view of the self that you're not able to process and respect the needs, wants, and feelings of others,” says Dr. Hoffman. This lack of empathy in narcissists is what makes their behaviors so inherently hurtful, whether they're “trying” to be hurtful or not.
While the narcissistic mother gets off on the power she holds over others, including her children, the controlling mother really believes that without her intervention, the children would fail at just about everything. She's motivated by fear, but masquerades her control as a form of strength.
Recent studies confirm that narcissistic parents are incapable of truly loving others, even their own children.
Key points. Narcissists often cultivate the idea that they are “perfect” parents, but neglect is common in narcissistic families. Narcissistic parents may neglect kids' emotional, physical, safety, medical, and/or educational needs.