Emotional detachment isn't an official condition like bipolar disorder or depression. Instead, it's often considered one element of a larger medical condition. Conditions might include personality disorders or attachment disorders. Emotional detachment could also be the result of acute trauma or abuse.
Emotional detachment may be a temporary reaction to a stressful situation, or a chronic condition such as depersonalization-derealization disorder. It may also be caused by certain antidepressants. Emotional blunting, also known as reduced affect display, is one of the negative symptoms of schizophrenia.
Emotional detachment is a psychological condition in which a person is not able to fully engage with their feelings or the feelings of others. It can be ongoing, as it is in people with attachment disorders, or it can be a temporary response to an extreme situation.
Emotional detachment can occur in relationships as well. Periods of disconnect are common in relationships and usually resolve once both partners are in a place to reconnect.
Of course, an emotionally unavailable person can change, but like any personal overhaul, they have to want to do it themselves. “The trick is for you not to try and change them. If they feel that they want to be more involved in your feelings, then they will,” Masini says.
What Causes Emotional Unavailability? While there is no one explanation for emotional unavailability, it can be caused by a number (or combination) of factors. These include attachment styles developed in childhood, history in relationships, trauma, mental health conditions, and one's circumstances and priorities.
One of the common traits of an emotionally distant woman is avoiding all sorts of conversations. When you try, she might appear irritated or might ghost you. She will often make excuses to avoid getting together, connecting, or catching up. Another common trait is, you find her secretive.
Emotional detachment is usually an issue caused by severe, intense anxiety - most notably panic attacks, although any form of severe anxiety can cause emotional detachment. While it's not entirely clear what causes this detachment, it most likely is a coping mechanism for the brain.
Sometimes, emotional detachment may result from traumatic events, such as childhood abuse or neglect. Children who live through abuse or neglect may develop emotional detachment as a means of survival.
Feelings of Detachment After Trauma May Signal Worse Mental Health Outcomes. June 24, 2022. Many people experience dissociation, or a lack of connection between their thoughts, memory, and sense of identity, during or after a traumatic experience.
Being emotionally unavailable describes someone who is not open to discussing or sharing their feelings. They can be evasive, flaky, or hard to read. "They're scared of intimacy," explains licensed couples therapist Brooke Sprowl, LCSW, CNTS.
In other words, an emotionally unavailable person may not be able to relate to you, put themselves in your shoes, or consider your feelings when making a decision. This doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about your feelings, but they might not have the emotional capability to identify and honor your needs.
“When you meet someone who isn't emotionally available, you may notice that their communication behaviors are inconsistent, they pick and choose when they answer you or don't, wait stretches of time before they text you back, hoping to keep you on the line—and all of these are red flags.”
Additionally, certain mental health issues can also prevent people from being able to express and process their emotions. Though these are all possible causes of emotional unavailability, most of the time unavailability is a choice.
You're burdened and suffocated. Their presence puts a lot of pressure on you. You do not feel at ease around them and feel that you always have to explain yourself. You put a lot of effort to make the time you spend together enjoyable, even worse, you do not look forward to seeing them anymore.
When trauma and chronic stress become overwhelming, our nervous system tends to move into a shutdown state. Counsellors often refer to it as dissociation, a common response to traumatic events.
After a traumatic experience, the emotional toll may be so heavy that people may avoid anything that might remind them of what happened. Some people's efforts to block residual feelings of trauma may look like adapting avoidance behavior to avoid feelings of pain, also called trauma blocking.
Focus on your own feelings
Both Neblett and Gatling agree that if you address someone's emotional unavailability, express how it's affecting you and lead with "I" statements. It's also important to have clear examples of why you think they're emotionally unavailable so that they don't feel ambushed, Neblett emphasizes.
Shutting down emotions can be a normal part of human experience, as a coping strategy in stressful situations. Under high stress, it allows your body and brain to protect itself from perceived threats or harm.
Differences in emotions in people with ADHD can lead to 'shutdowns', where someone is so overwhelmed with emotions that they space out, may find it hard to speak or move and may struggle to articulate what they are feeling until they can process their emotions.
When someone has shut down, they certainly look like they don't care. The facial expression is usually neutral, there is little to no expression of emotion, and voice tone becomes monotonous. Answers to questions are short, and you begin to interpret all of this as indifference.