The silent treatment is a refusal to verbally communicate with someone, often as a means of punishment, emotional manipulation, or control. Although this type of behavior is more common in an intimate or romantic relationship, it can also happen with family members, friends, or co-workers.
The silent treatment might be employed by passive personality types to avoid conflict and confrontation, while strong personality types use it to punish or control. Some people may not even consciously choose it at all.
There are times this is to be expected — such as when your friend loses someone they love or is having problems with their children, or life is just really busy. But there are also times when our friends need to take some space for no reason at all.
The “silent treatment” is when a person purposefully cuts off communication with someone to try and change them or manipulate their behavior. Communication is one of the most important factors in any healthy relationship – whether it's with family, friends, loved ones, coworkers, bosses, or whomever.
Silence can mean many things in interpersonal relationships. It's ambiguous. It can express lots of different emotions ranging from joy, happiness, grief, embarrassment to anger, denial, fear, withdrawal of acceptance or love.
Conversation lulls can be a sign of increased connection with our friends. We experience gaps in conversations differently depending on who we're talking to, a recent study has found. It's usually easy to tell when silence is companionable and when it's just downright awkward.
But between friends, silence is a moment for reacting and reflecting on what's been said. Participants used gaps in conversations to think back on their words and on shared memories. Between friends and loved ones, it seems that silence is simply another opportunity to get closer and savour the bond shared.
Over time, the act of giving someone the silent treatment left unchecked can become a sign you're in an abusive relationship. If you are experiencing this type of behavior in your relationship, it is important that you are also aware of other warning signs of emotional abuse.
The silent treatment can be used to manipulate and control the other person by making them feel guilty or ashamed. The silent treatment is often used as a form of punishment or as a way to control the conversation. It can also be used as a form of emotional blackmail.
If someone displays unmanageable emotions and easily flies off the handle, this is a serious red flag. Responding with uncontrollable rage or the "silent treatment" could point to abusive (physical or emotional) behavior in the future, says Trombetti.
Sometimes when a friend stops speaking to you and cuts all ties, it's because they no longer want the friendship. A good indicator that your friend is breaking up with you, is if the person continues to ignore you or gives you vague, curt, and indifferent responses.
Say how their behavior made you feel—the impact.
Cleanly say that it felt like what you had to say was not valuable. You feel angry, frustrated, hurt, scared, or you just give up when this happens. Use “I” statements. Don't blame them for not caring or judge them for being insensitive.
By establishing boundaries, enforcing consequences if necessary, sharing emotions with others, and speaking up for yourself; you will take away their power, thus protecting yourself from the narcissist's silent treatment.
Silent treatment can be an immature way of dealing with situations and its practice should not be made a habit of. Imagine you have upset your loved one for some reason and they are angry with you.
Enactors of the silent treatment punish their victims by refusing to speak to them or even acknowledge their presence. Through silence, the enactors "loudly" communicate their displeasure, anger, upset and frustration.
When silence, or, rather, the refusal to engage in a conversation, is used as a control tactic to exert power in a relationship, then it becomes "the silent treatment," which is toxic, unhealthy, and abusive.
Taking a time-out should lead to improved communication and collaboration, whereas the silent treatment is an assertion of dominance and control. The person who is being victimized can tell the difference.
Being silent as a form of defence
If this happens often in your relationship it is likely that your partner finds it hard to be in touch with their own feelings of vulnerability. Their inability to look at themselves becomes a shield of self-defence and protection.
The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally. Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain.
While some people might think that being silent is taking the high road, it can actually be the worst thing you can do. It can leave significant psychological and emotional repercussions on the person on the receiving end.
If you have ever suffered under this form of manipulation, you might understand how it's chief game is to keep you guessing where the relationship stands. In friendship, the Silent Treatment is often the precursor to a “silent” friendship break up. One friend pulls away. She stops returning your calls and texts.