Over-apologizing is a common symptom amongst individuals with low self-esteem, fear of conflict and a fear of what others think. This goes hand in hand with poor boundaries, perhaps accepting blame for things we didn't do or couldn't control.
The reason for many is that apologizing is a compulsion related to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. In this form of OCD, we have an obsessive thought that we did something wrong, usually related to a core fear that we are a bad person. We feel compelled to 'correct' ourselves or neutralize our fear.
Many people persistently apologize. Although not always the case, for some people, this can be a symptom of OCD. While OCD can be challenging to manage at times, it's possible. Many people who have OCD are able to manage their condition effectively.
An obsequious person might apologize often and more than necessary. You might also check out synonyms of obsequious. – Alan Carmack.
“Over-apologizing can stem from being too hard on ourselves or beating ourselves up for things,” Dr. Juliana Breines, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Rhode Island, explained. In addition to anxiety, another mental health disorder that can lead people to over-apologize is OCD.
Over-apologizing is a common symptom amongst individuals with low self-esteem, fear of conflict and a fear of what others think. This goes hand in hand with poor boundaries, perhaps accepting blame for things we didn't do or couldn't control.
When abusers apologize with the goal of gaining ultimate control of their victim, gaslighting is often the method they use. By apologizing, they place doubt in their victims' minds. “They apologized to me, so they can't be as terrible as I remember them being.”
Narcissists are comfortable with lying.
When a narcissist apologizes, they're not admitting they were at fault or did something wrong. Narcissists lie all the time, and an apology is just another lie they use to get back any attention or admiration they may have lost.
Apologies, when warranted, are a sign of empathy in the workplace. But over-apologizing — or excessively saying sorry when you don't need to — is a bad habit that can undermine your authority, and more importantly, it hurts your self-esteem.
But repetitive, nearly constant apologies for every little thing—or, what Psychologist Paige Carambio, PsyD calls, “apologizing for existing”—can actually be an after-effect of trauma, a self-preservation technique survivors may think they still need to utilize in order to protect themselves.
Apologizing frequently can give the illusion of smoothing over any potential tension, alerting the other that you're trying to make sure things work out “just so.” However, this habit of over-apologizing can be a sign of anxiety.
Apologies aren't always helpful—and sometimes they can be excessive. This behavior may stem from anxiety or depression, although research on the topic is scarce. What we do know is that, for some, the urge to say “I'm sorry” for every little thing is involuntary and often has little to do with actual remorse.
"When using empathy in your practice, one of the first things that people want to do is apologize for everything. There's a difference between apologizing and being empathetic. When you're empathetic, if an incident occurs the first response is to say that you're sorry — to relate to your client.
People lose respect for you.
In her book, “The Power of an Apology,” psychotherapist Beverly Engel says over-apologizing isn't so different from over-complimenting: You may think you're displaying yourself as a nice and caring person, but you're actually sending the message that you lack confidence and are ineffectual.
Most of our apologies are entirely selfish, not intended for the person we've wronged in some way. They're just stepping stones for us to feel better about ourselves. Your apology is sometimes just a manipulation. Stop trying to force the people you love to say you did nothing wrong.
Is apologizing a toxic trait? Over-apologizing is a toxic habit. For example, you might apologize when you brush too close to someone in the hallway, or when you're simply feeling awkward in a new situation. Over-apologizing is a toxic habit which takes a serious toll on our relationships and self image.
If you've heard someone say, “Narcissists never apologize,” they're not exactly right. While many traits of narcissism like entitlement, elitism, and arrogance make it unlikely someone with narcissistic traits will go the apology route, apologies are sometimes used with ulterior motives.
Apologies without change — without any attempt to correct hurtful behavior or make amends — are not sincere. And in many cases, which we describe in this post, they're manipulative. Intentions matter, too. Some folks use manipulative apologies out of habit or fear.
These manipulative apologies are a type of blame-shift apologies that blame the victim. Instead of taking responsibility for what they did, they make the entire thing your fault and demand an apology from you.
Gaslighting is the use of a patterned, repetitive set of manipulation tactics that makes someone question reality. It's often used by people with narcissistic personality disorder, abusive individuals, cult leaders, criminals, and dictators. It's important to point out that gaslighting is a “patterned” behavior.
Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. This is a passive-aggressive apology done to silence the other person and move onto a different topic. It minimizes what the other person has experienced. Im sorry but But is a qualifier. If a person cannot say sorry without adding a but, then they are not sorry.
Apologizing is an act of kindness to yourself and others. When we make a sincere apology, using the four steps of apologizing, we are mending our relationship with someone and that makes our future relationships stronger!
When you are at fault, you might fear that admitting an error is admitting weakness. On the contrary, apologies are a sign of strength. Adversity is an opportunity to show your true colors. It is remarkable when a leader is so confident and self-aware that he or she is able to simply apologize.
Be humble when you apologize.
A humble apology is one in which you admit wrongdoing—“I'm sorry I lost my temper”—showing that you're not above reflecting on your own flaws.
Saying "I'm Sorry" Shows Confidence
As Daniel Coyle writes in The Culture Code, admitting a mistake creates a vulnerability loop: When you say, "I'm sorry, I screwed that up," other people then feel more comfortable admitting their own shortcomings.