Never attend a funeral in anything that stands out or is distracting. You don't want to draw attention to yourself or look disrespectful in any way. While modest and black colours are traditional, it's no longer the fashion to wear all black in the western world.
"Talking or being on your phone during the service is one of the most disrespectful things you could do at a funeral," says Myka Meier, Beaumont Etiquette founder and etiquette expert. It's important to be as present as possible. "Silence your phone, shut off your phone, or even just leave it behind.
It's not only okay to smile at a funeral but it's also encouraged, especially when greeting the bereaved. Seeing someone smile at us can help lift our spirits. It's also a nonverbal way of showing support.
Is it bad to cry at a funeral? Everyone shows their emotions differently and it can be healthy to cry at a funeral – don't feel embarrassed. Though, if you become a bit overwhelmed and find yourself crying uncontrollably, it's a good idea to excuse yourself until you have regained control.
While you should generally steer clear of bright colours and loud prints (unless otherwise requested), other things to avoid include very revealing or overly casual clothes, like ripped jeans, sheer tops or pieces with inappropriate cut-out details. Accessory-wise, keep things minimal.
Usually people say a short prayer by the casket and then proceed to share their condolences with the family. Attending a visitation can be the hardest part for people to attend, because it involves talking to the deceased's family.
Funerals are emotional events and if there is family conflict, estranged relationships, or other reasons that can make the occasion uncomfortable, then the better personal choice may be to not attend. Funerals are a way for friends and family to say their goodbyes, reminisce, or grieve, and ultimately find closure.
Bring tissues or a handkerchief
Crying isn't always pretty. It's entirely okay, and you shouldn't feel worried about what you look like when you're feeling a strong emotion. However, bringing tissues or a handkerchief helps you feel more in control of your appearance when you're struggling with tears.
You need not stay long; fifteen minutes gives you enough time to express your sympathy and offer your support. Of course, if the bereaved indicates they would like you to remain for a while, take your cue from them and stay longer.
Do not ever, unless specifically asked, take pictures of an open casket, or even with the casket in the background. Whether you intend to be flippant or not, it is disrespectful to the deceased and those mourning them.
Wearing dark grey or deep blue is just as appropriate as black, while brown and lighter greys are suitable for the vast majority of funeral services. However, unless specifically requested by the deceased or their family, you should avoid any bright colors such as yellows, oranges, pinks, and reds.
Is It Appropriate to Take Photos at a Funeral? Unless explicitly requested by the deceased's family, it is best to avoid taking photographs at a funeral or memorial ceremony. Taking candid photos of the relatives in their most vulnerable moments of grief might cause stress and destroy the mood during the service.
You can demonstrate your love, attention, and support to a grieving person in a number of ways. While just your presence can be enough, still a kind word, a compassionate touch, or a loving hug can mean much to show the bereaved that you care about and support them.
It is customary to show your respects by viewing the deceased if the body is present and the casket is open. You may wish to say a silent prayer for, or meditate about, the deceased at this time. In some cases the family may escort you to the casket. The length of your visit at the wake is a matter of discretion.
“I'm so sorry about your loss. [The deceased] was a good person and they'll be very missed.” “Please accept my deepest condolences for your loss.” “[The deceased] was a wonderful person and I'll miss them very much.”
In parts of Germany and in Belgium, it was long customary to cover mirrors with a white cloth because it was thought that if a person saw his or her image in a mirror after a death in the household, that person would die shortly.
Flowers, sympathy cards, custom keepsakes, and donations are all appropriate gifts to bring to a funeral. While a gift is certainly not required, it can be a thoughtful way to communicate your love for those grieving. Flower and plant arrangements can often be sent to the funeral home prior to the service.
One of the most important reasons to go to a funeral is to pay your respects. Being there shows that you want to support the family and help say a meaningful goodbye. At the same time, it allows you to honor the deceased and the memories you shared with them.
Unless they have chosen to be seated beforehand, the family comes next, chief mourner(s) first, walking with whomever he or she chooses. Close friends may follow, completing the procession. The family and pallbearers occupy the front rows, with friends filling vacant places on either side.
Dealing with your emotions post-funeral
You may want to find ways to fill this space, such as journaling or taking up a hobby. It is important to stay in touch with people for support. Joining a grief support group may help you find comfort and community.