Do listen to what they have to say and don't interrupt them. Don't bring up previous arguments but focus on the here and now. Let the past rest. Don't be a self-proclaimed mind-reader and assume that you exactly know how the other person is feeling.
Such behaviours include eye rolling, sneering, name-calling, hostile humour and sarcasm. Nothing is more destructive to love than contempt. To fight contempt, couples have to work very hard to create a culture of appreciation.
There are three main ways to respond to an argument: 1) challenge the facts the other person is using; 2) challenge the conclusions they draw from those facts; and 3) accept the point, but argue the weighting of that point (i.e., other points should be considered above this one.)
However, it is how you deal with conflict that can potentially be problematic. Research has uncovered four toxic behaviours that can get in the way of communication and derail collaborative relationships if left unchecked. The four behaviours are Blaming, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling.
Unhealthy: Fight That's a Blame Game
Pointing fingers and focusing on each other's faults instead of listening to how your partner is feeling and making them feel heard before voicing your own grievances only leads to more disagreements that end up turning into a vicious spiral.
Unhealthy arguments are those which do not have an end goal to it. Therefore, they can go on for days, even months at a time. You also lose the ability to listen to your partner. You do not want to give them respect enough for them to voice their ideas or opinions.
Don't Attack Another Person
Their height, weight, religion, job, education, sexual preference or anything else personal are NEVER relevant. Stay focused and on the problem. Telling someone about their weaknesses not only sidetracks the argument but it makes the argument useless to have after that point.
Say: “Ouch. That one hurt. I don't know if you were meaning to hurt me; I don't know if that's what you were going for; but that's what you did,” Runkel tells Business Insider Australia. That simple word will make your partner—and you—pause before doling out more mean words.
"Let's agree to disagree."
This classic statement is a great way to end an argument.
Setting boundaries — like agreeing to avoid using toxic language, like name-calling — can be helpful in terms of having more productive arguments, because it makes the exchange more likely to stay positive. It's also a way to show respect to the other person even while disagreeing with them.
In a toxic fight, the couple attack each other. Toxic fighting is poison to a relationship. If two partners consistently attack each other when they fight, this will create resentment and erode the foundation of the relationship.
Wish says this type of disagreement is very toxic. According to Dr. Wish, this can include swearing at each other, threats to harm one another, throwing things, storming out, or breaking items — particularly ones of value or meaning to the other person.
Stonewalling is when a person in a relationship withdraws from an interaction, shuts down, and simply stops responding to their partner. Rather than confronting the issue, people who stonewall resort to evasive maneuvers.
A toxic person is someone who regularly displays actions and behaviors that hurt others or otherwise negatively impact the lives of the people around them, and they're usually the main instigating factor of a toxic relationship.
On the other hand, some people with toxic traits may behave poorly because of past trauma, a dysfunctional family life, or substance use. A person's inability to process stress and grief can sometimes transform into toxicity towards others.
Try to remain calm.
Strong emotions like panic can make you appear nervous. If you start to get nervous, you will display body language and a tone of voice that conveys fear. It can be very difficult to stay calm in a fight, but it's important to remain calm if you want to appear confident.