Next, she says, “We remember that differently” is a good way to respond to someone who is gaslighting you, followed by “I hear you, but that's not my experience.” Lastly, Dr Pria says, “My emotions are not up for debate” is the fourth and final assertive response worth using to shut down gaslighters.
What happens when you tell a narcissist they are gaslighting you?
Narcissists are also often experts at playing the victim. If you confront them about their behavior, they may try to make you feel guilty or like you're the one who is in the wrong. Gaslighters often have a history of lying or deception.
It is unlikely that ignoring a gaslighter will result in them stopping this behavior. Arguing with a gaslighter is also futile as the chances of them admitting they were wrong are very low. It is better not to argue and to stop explaining yourself and seeking their approval.
Gaslighters thrive on getting you riled up and playing with your feelings, and it often only makes the manipulation worse. The best thing to do is show absolutely no emotion. Pretend as if you don't care at all – the situation means nothing to you. Your gaslighter will be left scratching their head in confusion.
Cut a conversation with a narcissistic co-worker short and excuse yourself to work on something else. Give your narcissistic partner absolutely no reaction when they try to push your buttons. Stay on topic if you're having a conversation with a manipulative, narcissistic parent.
In many cases, the gaslighter will get defensive about their actions and claim they do it out of love. I only do it because I love you. By saying this, they're making their victim feel as if their love for the gaslighter is less than what they're receiving in return.
Should you confront someone who is gaslighting you?
They may invalidate your feelings, isolate you from your support system, dismiss your needs, and try to shift the blame. If you find yourself in a relationship with a person who is gaslighting you, avoid arguing with them and do your best to remain calm.
Some gaslighters are aware of their behavior, and they may even work to improve their gaslighting skills. They might enjoy the sense of superiority they feel from making others doubt their sanity and correctness. Others who gaslight might not be aware that they're doing it.
Gaslighting can be part of a narcissistic personality, but it is not a core trait of narcissistic personality disorder. A narcissist may be self-promoting and feel superior to others; a gaslighter aims to make another person question their own self-value.
Some of the most common reasons people gaslight are:
They use it to deflect their personal responsibility. They want to keep a people pleaser partner trying to please. They use it to gain power and control. They have a personality disorder like narcissist, borderline or antisocial personality disorder.
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Gaslighters will lie about things you know are true and accuse you of being in the wrong. Clap back at a gaslighter by gently asking them why they feel this way. More often than not, they'll get flustered and might not be able to fully explain themselves.
Here are gaslighting red flags: They change narratives to deflect blame. They constantly contradict or deny your recollection of events. They minimise or dismiss your concerns.
