Why do borderlines punish?

To punish themselves: Sometimes people with BPD appear to harm themselves out of a profound feeling or belief that they deserve punishment and abuse. Sometimes this belief appears to be related to the fact that they were abused as children and believed they deserved the abuse.

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Why are borderlines so cruel?

Relationships & Borderline Personality Disorder

“We also have intense and sudden mood changes, and we have severe difficulty regulating our emotions. Unintentionally, we tend to blame others when we make a mistake, which causes us to be manipulative and cruel to those we care about.”

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Do borderlines ever take responsibility?

A hallmark of borderline personality disorder is not being able to take any accountability or responsibility for emotions. The person with borderline has such a complicated relationship with themselves and their own thoughts that they don't want to take responsibility for them.

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Do people with BPD seek revenge?

Punishment and revenge are central to the manifestation of what Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is and means when it comes to relationships. The struggle of those with BPD relationally, is rooted in a proverbial no-win situation.

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Why do people with BPD hold grudges?

What others perceive as a simple mistake to be brushed off, people with BPD might perceive as a serious wrongdoing. You might hold onto a grudge for days, or until the person has apologized sufficiently.

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The Truth About Punishing Yourself and Others (And What to Do Instead)

16 related questions found

Do borderlines regret their actions?

People with BPD may experience rage when they perceive rejection, neglect, or abandonment in a relationship. During rage, a person may say or do things that they later regret. This could lead to ending the relationship in the heat of the moment. BPD rage is often followed by significant regret and shame.

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Do people with BPD intentionally hurt people?

Maintaining a relationship with a friend or family member with BPD can be difficult. However, it's important to understand that people with BPD often engage in destructive behaviors not because they intend to hurt you but because their suffering is so intense that they feel they have no other way to survive.

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What hurts a borderline?

Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.

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What is the target of blame for borderline personality disorder?

A key characteristic of high-conflict people (HCPs) is that they have a target of blame, who they focus all of their frustrations and anger on, so that their conflicts often remain stuck or get worse and become obviously high-conflict.

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Can borderlines be vindictive?

However, those positive attributes are not without the proverbial strings attached; when the BPD explodes with vindictive rage, all they said or gave to their loved one may be taken away in one fell swoop of aggression. BPDs experience the world in extremes: black-and-white or all-or-nothing.

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Are all borderline people manipulative?

Persons with BPD do not choose manipulation. It mostly happens to them. The way they experience their own emotions in a given situation involving significant others pushes them to resort to manipulative activities.

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Can people with borderline be trusted?

Recent Findings: In trust appraisal paradigms, people with BPD have a bias to rate others as untrustworthy. In behavioral exchange games, they report lower trust in partners and are more likely to rupture cooperation.

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What is the victim mentality of BPD?

The Victim

Someone with BPD may struggle to take an active role even in simple tasks or enjoyable activities without the assistance of another. In this instance, the person with BPD will seek out a persecutor or rescuer to validate their experience of victimization.

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How do borderlines destroy lives?

BPD splitting destroys relationships by causing the person to distort how they see themselves and others. BPD relationships shift between highs and lows. BPD splitting destroy relationships in the way that the person defends against bad feelings within themselves so that they can feel good about themselves.

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How do you discipline someone with BPD?

Helpful Strategies for Parenting a Teen, Child with Borderline Personality Disorder
  1. Handling Conflict. It can seem like conflict is constant, so wanting to avoid it makes sense. ...
  2. Clear Communication. ...
  3. Lower your expectations and adjust goals. ...
  4. Set Boundaries. ...
  5. Validate. ...
  6. Create Calm.

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Are people with BPD disrespectful?

Sometimes BPD can make people do things that are often described (and misunderstood) as being “impolite.” Maybe you lash out in anger at unsuspecting loved ones when you're feeling emotionally activated.

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What not to say to someone with BPD?

What Not to Say to Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder
  • “You seemed fine earlier.”
  • 2. “ Stop trying to make me feel guilty” / “It's not a big deal” / “You're overreacting”
  • 3.“ Don't be upset” / “Don't be so sensitive” / “Don't worry about it”

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What poor choices might a person suffering from borderline personality make?

If left untreated, the person suffering from BPD may find themselves involved with extravagant spending, substance abuse, binge eating, reckless driving, and indiscriminate sex, Hooper says. The reckless behavior is usually linked to the poor self-image many BPD patients struggle with.

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What are people with borderline personality disorder good at?

Bold – Impulsivity is a BPD trait that can be positively linked to being bold, courageous and having the ability to speak one's mind. Creative – The high intensity of emotions can be released into creative endeavours. Many people with BPD put their entire emotional expression into music, art, performance and writing.

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What age is borderline the worst in?

Borderline personality disorder usually begins by early adulthood. The condition seems to be worse in young adulthood and may gradually get better with age.

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What scares a borderline?

People with borderline personality disorder have a deep fear of abandonment. They compete for social acceptance, are terrified of rejection and often feel lonely even in the context of an intimate relationship. Therefore, it is more difficult for them to manage the normal ups and downs of a romantic partnership.

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What does a BPD meltdown look like?

For many folks with BPD, a “meltdown” will manifest as rage. For some, it might look like swinging from one intense emotion to another. For others, it might mean an instant drop into suicidal ideation. Whatever your experience is, you're not alone.

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Are BPD toxic people?

Often, the person with BPD will react towards loved ones as if they were the abusers from their past, and take out vengeance and anger towards them. When the person with BPD feels abandoned, they can become abusive or controlling as a way to defend against feelings of abandonment or feeling unworthy.

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Why are people with BPD so angry?

BPD Anger Triggers

Anger that is intense, uncontrolled, or inappropriate can be a devastating symptom for someone struggling with borderline personality disorder. They may be driven by a desire to be connected to others, yet loss of emotional control frequently drives others away.

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What is the break up cycle of borderline personality disorder?

So, what exactly does the BPD break up cycle look like? It can look like fear of abandonment, distrust of a partner, cheating, lack of communication and self-blame. It can look like idolizing a partner, confusing strong emotions for passion, anxiety and overreacting to interactions perceived as negative.

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