Groomers may introduce 'secrets' as a way to control or frighten the child. Sometimes they will blackmail the child, or make them feel ashamed or guilty, to stop them telling anyone about the abuse.
Grooming is practiced by Narcissists, Antisocial predators, con-artists and sexual aggressors, who target and manipulate vulnerable people for exploitation. Child grooming is the deliberate act of establishing an emotional bond with a child, to lower the child's resistance.
Grooming behaviors
Boundary violations can be things like unwanted hugs, kisses, or tickling, “accidental” sexual touching, sexual jokes or comments directed at a child/teen, walking in when a child/teen is bathing or changing, or showing a child/teen pornography.
What is Narcissistic Grooming? Narcissistic grooming is the process of shaping a certain image in the target's mind about who the narcissist is, what they're like, and what their intentions are. This usually happens in relationships where the narcissist is trying to control or manipulate the other person.
The impact of grooming can last a lifetime, no matter whether it happened in person, online or both. A child or young person might have difficulty sleeping, be anxious or struggle to concentrate or cope with school work. They may become withdrawn, uncommunicative and angry or upset.
Grooming is a form of abuse that involves manipulating someone until they're isolated, dependent, and more vulnerable to exploitation.
Children are perhaps most likely to develop a trauma bond when exposed to sexual exploitation and targeted grooming. Sometimes, they may never have experienced physical intimacy, and grooming tactics can lead them to believe that their abuser has genuine feelings for them, and that their behaviour is normal.
Common thoughts associated with shame include: “I am worthless.” “I am a failure.” “Why would anyone want to love a failure?” The shame for narcissists is carried deep within, and often impacts one's feeling of worth, that they cant bring themselves to share with anyone.
Narcissists can use fear as a way to bait their partner. They may make threats, use intimidation tactics, or create a sense of fear or unease in their partner in order to provoke a reaction. For example, a narcissist may threaten to leave the relationship or harm themselves if their partner doesn't do what they want.
If someone's being groomed or hurt, they might: keep secrets, or lie about what's happened. feel scared to talk about things, or avoid talking about it. suddenly have money, or new things like clothes or phones that they can't explain.
Grooming Is A Form Of Gaslighting
You're suffering the consequences of someone else abusing you and that feels terrible, which is why it's so hard to admit the abuse is going on in the first place for most of us because the consequences are very dire. It's like facing the thing you don't want to ever face.
Targeting specific kids for special attention, gifts or activities. Slowly isolating a kid from family members and friends – physically and emotionally. Undermining relationships with parents and friends to show that “no one understands you like I do.” Gradually pushing or crossing physical boundaries.
Overt attention, verbal seduction (flattery / ego stroking), recruitment, physical isolation, charm, gift-giving, normalizing, gaslighting, secrecy, and threats are all hallmarks of grooming. Abusers who groom their victims often claim to have a special connection with the abused.
Scrubbing your feet, cutting your nails in time and keeping them clean reflects great personal hygiene. Even if you're not required to wear open toe footwear to work, you must always be prepared.
The way you dress, groom and carry yourself affects how you feel and think about yourself. Being well groomed leads to a bolstered sense of self-esteem which affects how you come across to others. If you feel unkempt, you will appear diffident in your outlook. This will impact negatively on how people perceive you.
The narcissist tries to ignore it, talk it out of existence, or belittle its importance. If this crude mechanism of cognitive dissonance fails, the narcissist resorts to denial and repression of the humiliating material. He "forgets" all about it, gets it out of his mind and, when reminded of it, denies it.
Being Humiliated
Feeling embarrassed or humiliated is painful for anyone, but narcissists are especially reactive to those emotions. To avoid such feelings, narcissists may preemptively humiliate people around them to gain the upper hand.
The narcissist is incredibly sad and melancholic. They are hostage to their inflated egos and their false selves. They hurt everyone who genuinely cares for them and isn't able to control their behaviour. A narcissist's very existence depends upon their false self.
Grandiose sense of self-importance
Grandiosity is the defining characteristic of narcissism. More than just arrogance or vanity, grandiosity is an unrealistic sense of superiority. Narcissists believe they are unique or “special” and can only be understood by other special people.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'” Scientists believe that this question could be all researchers need to make a quick and easy diagnosis of narcissism.
One of the weird things narcissists do involves destroying your happiness and relaxing moments. They will purposefully do things to prevent you from doing something as simple as sleep. Even if you had a long day or are sick, a narcissist may start a fight while you are trying to sleep.
While these tactics are used most often against younger kids, teens and vulnerable adults are also at risk. Grooming can take place online or in-person.
Any child or teen may be a potential victim. Some predators may be attracted to children and youth with certain characteristics or may target youth with certain co-existing factors—such as vulnerable parents—to facilitate the crime.