"So often, narcissistic folks can't win on their birthdays," she says. "They want that day to be something more grandiose and corrective, and it simply can't be. Over time, people in long-term relationships of any kind with narcissists may feel tense as that person's birthday approaches."
Narcissists have a tendency to practice seasonal devalue and discard during the holidays, focusing these abuse tactics on their nearest targets and closest partners. Why do they do this? Because they have no empathy and cannot handle intimate relationships and are compelled to do what it takes to destroy them.
Narcissists don't just abandon you when you most need them – they also ensure that any special occasions or holidays are sabotaged as well.
Even when there's no apparent reason for it, the narcissist can cause drama or conflict on your birthdays just to be the center of attention. They may accuse you of flirting with someone else, not liking their gift, or saying something wrong. They can find a way to play the victim.
Narcissists need a consistent amount of validation, admiration, and reassurance to keep their grandiose self-perception intact and their negative emotions suppressed. They “forget” birthdays because the celebration of others takes away too much attention from their fragile sense of self.
Throughout that day, the narcissistic person may just keep looking at their device and drinking in all the adoration, sometimes even revelling in the idea that other people have to turn their days around them." A narcissist's birthday, Durvasula explains, will frequently be a no-win situation.
Key points. A partner's low emotional intelligence can impact your sense of self. A robustly and rigidly defensive partner may lack the emotional capacity to relate in healthy ways. Narcissistic partners rarely say things like "What I did was insensitive and I apologize," or "I would be mad too."
Narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism or any perceived threat to their self-image, and they will go to great lengths to protect it. If you criticize them or challenge their dominance, you will trigger a defensive response.
Getting total revenge on a narcissistic abuser means that you need to hit them where it hurts, and that's their ego. By totally cutting them out of your life and not wasting a second of your time by thinking about them and what could have been, you'll definitely get even.
Narcissistic rage can be triggered by various situations, such as criticism, perceived rejection, or being ignored.
The vulnerable narcissist will look for a way to sabotage the party, making the hosts or guests feel bad. They may pick a fight with someone or spill red wine on the white carpet. Each action that leaves others feeling or looking bad is just one more tasty morsel to feed the insatiable ego of the narcissist.
Set boundaries with a narcissist and stick to them, don't engage, and don't try to debate with them. When narcissists are in an angry state of mind, they cannot think clearly and there is no reasoning with them. It's okay to ignore them or walk away to protect yourself if they're becoming rageful or violent.
Older narcissists are always angry.
More often than not, when a narcissist gets old, they no longer have the resources they once had and are unable to get the admiration and attention they once commanded.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Although narcissists act superior to others and posture as beyond reproach, underneath their grandiose exteriors lurk their deepest fears: That they are flawed, illegitimate, and ordinary.
Narcissists can feel emotional pain, but not usually in the same way as others. The emotional pain they may feel is usually related to underlying selfish needs. Underneath the displays of superiority and sense of entitlement, they often feel empty, powerless, and shameful, which they perceive as weakness.
remember that ignoring them is the only way to truly hurt a narcissist forever.
There are many words people high in narcissism don't want to hear, but perhaps the worst involve a “no,” as in “No, you can't," "No, you're wrong," or — even worse — “No, I won't.” This makes it difficult to go about your ordinary business with the people in your life who don't understand the give-and-take of normal ...
In the first few weeks narcissists will say things like: "You're my soul mate." "I've never met anyone like you before." "You understand me so much better than anyone else."
They're stingy with money
When you're dealing with a narcissist, nothing comes for free. In other words, if a narcissist spends money on you, it's because they want something from you. Whether it's complimenting them, offering friendship, providing a loan, or giving them a place to crash.