They may not realise that their feelings belong within them, so they think that their partner is responsible for hurting them and causing them to feel this way. The BPD splitting defense mechanism prevents them from seeing both the good and bad aspects of a partner at the given time.
People with BPD are often terrified that others will leave them. However, they can also shift suddenly to feeling smothered and fearful of intimacy, which leads them to withdraw from relationships. The result is a constant back-and-forth between demands for love or attention and sudden withdrawal or isolation.
The effects of BPD in intimate relationships. People affected by BPD often have highly unstable intimate relationships. Usually of above average intelligence, they tend to fall in love easily, sometimes without getting to know the person.
You might be their favorite person for a while, but then they may drop you when they fear you'll abandon them. When a person has BPD, they often feel emotions more intensely, are easily triggered, have abandonment issues, a frail sense of self, and react impulsively and unpredictably.
The fear of being abandoned often causes people with BPD to form unhealthy attachments. Sometimes, they may abruptly cut off these relationships, effectively abandoning their partners. Other times, they make frantic attempts to hold onto relationships.
People with BPD may be sensitive to rejection and abandonment and are prone to splitting, rage, and impulsivity. If a person with BPD feels rejected or abandoned, they may end the relationship. However, this is usually followed by significant anxiety and regret and efforts to get back together.
Conversely, the individual with BPD may end the relationship abruptly and without warning. They may state that their partner is not meeting their needs or is not worth their time, and may move on to a new relationship without looking back.
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem.
Myth #5: People with BPD are unsuitable for intimate relationships. Fact: People with BPD have many positive things to contribute to fulfilling relationships. When trust and love has developed within a relationship, people with BPD can show high loyalty and trustworthiness.
People with BPD often have intense emotions and impulsive behaviors. People with BPD may blame other people for their behaviors and emotions. A person with BPD can be in a loving relationship if certain adjustments are made.
Fact: People with BPD are capable of giving and receiving love. People with BPD have a lot of difficulty in relationships, but that doesn't mean they're incapable of love.
At the end of the day, people with BPD can fall in love; it just takes some work from both sides of the relationship. Treatment is the first step — options may include: Individual and couple's therapy. Medication.
Borderlines will usually end relationships as a form of seeking validation from their partner. The general pattern of BPD behaviour after a break-up sees them waiting for their partner to reach out to them to have their emotional needs met.
However, it is important to note that some couples may stay together for over 20 years, whereas other anecdotal evidence from personal experiences suggests that relationships lasting between 2-4 years are more common.
It's a technique often used by those with narcissistic and/or borderline personality disorders to deflect any responsibility from themselves.
Borderline love bombing uses demonstrations of affection and emotion to catch and keep someone's interest. While this attention can be flattering at first, love bombing is a manipulative behavior used to control another person.
As a symptom
Some people with borderline personality disorder (sometimes referred to as BPD) can be markedly impulsive, seductive, and extremely sexual. Sexual promiscuity, sexual obsessions, and hypersexuality are very common symptoms for both men and women with BPD.
Relationships. Relationships are one of the most common triggers for people with BPD. People with the disorder tend to experience a higher than usual sensitivity to being abandoned by their loved ones. This leads to feelings of intense fear and anger.
People with BPD may not have a consistent self-image or sense of self. This may worsen obsessive tendencies, since they may find it difficult to see themselves as real or worthy individually, separate from their relationships.
Is narcissism a symptom of BPD? Narcissism is not a symptom of BPD listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). However, as many as 40% of people with BPD may also have narcissistic personality disorder,4 so people with BPD may also show signs of narcissism.
Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
BPD is considered to be one of the most serious mental illnesses, as it causes a great deal of suffering and has a high-risk for suicide.”
Shifting Self-Image
A person with borderline personality disorder is often unable to trust their own feelings or reactions. Lacking a strong sense of self leads to a sense of emptiness and sometimes a sense of being non-existent, which is another reason BPD hurts so much.