At every stage, we're trying to figure out how to navigate friendship,” she says. Research tells us that, for both men and women, the age of 25 is when most of us start losing friends. “Suddenly, your friends disappear, or you all start taking new life directions as you graduate from college,” Jackson says.
According to a study from Oxford University, men and women start losing friends around the age of 25. Making new friends and maintaining friendships gets harder each year we get older.
While it is sad to think about losing friends as we get older, losing friends in your 20s, 30s, 40s, and even 50s is perfectly normal. In fact, it's even regarded as healthy and shows that you're maturing.
And it's certainly not uncommon to lose many of the friends you made as a young adult as your interests change and people's lives go in different directions. Careers and family schedules often become the center of our lives, making it difficult to cultivate new relationships and grow social circles in adulthood.
It's also normal to wonder why or how it happened. But know that losing friends in your twenties is normal. It happens to everyone (or at least almost everyone) and there are some natural, common reasons as to why it happens.
Yes, it is common to experience feelings of loneliness in your 20s. This can be due to various factors such as changes in life circumstances, differences in personal values and interests with friends or family, or difficulty in making new connections.
Having good friends who you can vent to when you're having a bad day, or round-up for some fun on a random weekend, is invaluable. These days, so many of us are craving more people we can connect with.
Why Is it Actually Hard to Make Friends in Adulthood? Research shows that the most common reason why people struggle to connect with others is due to a lack of trust. It's harder than ever for people to find friends that they can fully invest in emotionally and mentally.
No one should feel like it's abnormal to have no friends in their 40s, as it is completely normal to come to a point in life where friends and connections make up a different part of your life than they did earlier.
Crucially, the study discovered that the maximum number of 'connections' for men and women peaked around the age of 25 years old. In other words: the number of friends (or 'connections') you had at 25 is the most you will ever have and they all then steadily decrease for men and women.
"As we become adults, we have less and less environments where those ingredients are at play." Adults with jobs, kids, and a collection of other responsibilities also simply have less time available for making friends.
At any age there are going to be people in your area who are open to forming new friendships. Not everyone has had the same social circle for years and years and isn't interested in meeting anyone else. If you go on sites like Meetup.com you'll see people have created groups catering to all ages.
Having around 3-5 really close friends should be enough for most of us in our 30's. If you are in a stable relationship, having two other couples you meet once a week or every other week can be enough.
Jessica Harrison, a licensed professional counselor and owner of Courageous Counseling and Consulting, says a lack of long-term friendships is a major red flag. "It shows that they have not been committed to growing in relationships, which takes time and effort on both friends' part," says Harrison.
A study done by Harvard found that 36% of Americans report “serious loneliness,” while our survey of 3,164 participants revealed that 33% of people have no close friends. If you've lost friends over the years, or never really connected with people around you, don't despair!
"Lacking encouragement from family or friends, those who are lonely may slide into unhealthy habits," Valtorta says. "In addition, loneliness has been found to raise levels of stress, impede sleep and, in turn, harm the body. Loneliness can also augment depression or anxiety."
There's no “right” number of friends you should have, but research says most people have between 3 and 5 close friends. Friendship is necessary, but it can feel challenging to find people who really “get” you. What's more, what you need from your friends might change as your life circumstances change.
"The 20s are a transient decade. People are moving all over the country and world, changing jobs, forming more serious romantic relationships, and making major life changes far more often than they did in school and college," says Roberts-Meese. "That transience means people fall out of touch more often."
There are a few reasons for feeling lonely even when surrounded by friends and family: You hide your true self. You have a history of being misunderstood or judged. Perhaps you feel insecure about certain aspects of your personality.