Trauma bonding is a human emotional response, not a character flaw, and it can occur within abusive cycles to anyone. Disclosing your experience may provide you with a sense of relief once you see how empathetic those around you are about it.
A trauma bond is a connection between an abusive person and the individual they abuse. It is reflective of an attachment created by repeating physical or emotional trauma with positive reinforcement. It can be hard to spot and even harder to break free from.
Signs of trauma bonding
They may also: agree with the abusive person's reasons for treating them badly. try to cover for the abusive person. argue with or distance themselves from people trying to help, such as friends, family members, or neighbors.
Trauma bonds are bonds that commonly form as a result of abusive relationships. They are the surface-level feelings of attachment and intimacy that can result from an abusive cycle. In a trauma bond, partners think they have true love or connection even though the relationship is harmful.
Trauma bonds can linger, even when the abuse happened long ago. You might struggle to stop thinking about someone who hurt you and feel the urge to reach out or try again. Here's a test that might help, though it's not at all conclusive: Ask yourself whether you'd encourage a loved one to leave a similar relationship.
While it may seem nearly impossible to exit a situation where a trauma bond is present, there is hope with the proper support and healthy boundaries. Individuals who find themselves in a toxic relationship can break a trauma bond and lead healthy lives with healthy relationships.
Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissist repeats a cycle of abuse with another person which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused. Trauma bonding often happens in romantic relationships, however, it can also occur between colleagues, non-romantic family members, and friends.
Trauma bonds aren't simply a challenging relationship: they are deeply rooted in our basic need for attachment and security. The abuser wields tremendous power and control that compound with shame and embarrassment, making it impossible for their abused partner to leave.
The cycle of being devalued and then rewarded over and over, works overtime to create a strong chemical and hormonal bond between a victim and his or her abuser. This is why victims of abuse often describe feeling more deeply bonded to their abuser than they do to people who actually consistently treat them well.
Trauma dumping refers to sharing a traumatic story without thinking about how it will affect the listener, or oversharing in an inappropriate context.
Do Narcissists Also Feel the Trauma Bond? Abusive narcissists likely do feel the bond too, but differently. It's so confusing for anyone in a relationship with a narcissist who's abusive to understand why they continue to hurt them, even when they say they love them.
Unfortunately, transforming a trauma bond into a healthy attachment rarely happens, although it is possible to stop one from forming before it's too late. If you know that you are in a toxic relationship, seek help.
The Trauma Bond
This type of survival strategy can also occur in a relationship. It is called trauma bonding, and it can occur when a person is in a relationship with a narcissist. Within a trauma bond, the narcissist's partner—who often has codependency issues—first feels loved and cared for.
Survivors who were raised in abusive households are more vulnerable to trauma bonding – an abusive relationship may seem more normal and acceptable to them. This is one reason why it's so important for parents to model healthy relationships to their children.
Trauma Bonds Create Chemical Warfare in our Brains
Reuniting and the love-bombing that follows then floods our systems with dopamine. Dopamine and oxytocin together strengthen our bond even more and ease our fear and anxiety.
If you live with complex trauma or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), trauma dumping or oversharing could be a natural trauma response and coping mechanism.
overexplained; overexplaining. transitive + intransitive. : to explain (something) to an excessive degree. The stories tended to be as simple as a good children's picture-book, so that nothing needed to be overexplained.
Rather than only using trauma responses to answer threats, we constantly feel threatened, and become unable to exit that state of mind. Psychologists generally recognize “The Four Fs” as the altered-states that make up the trauma response – fight, flight, freeze and fawn.
What's key to understand about a trauma bonding relationship is that it can't be healthy because it is not equal. “Oftentimes when folks are trauma bonding, it may look and feel safe for some,” says Eborn. “But there is a lot of inconsistency within the relationship, and it can be extremely dysfunctional.
Face Your Feelings
Don't try to run or avoid your feelings, rather try to identify them in the moment and take steps to address them immediately. By acknowledging your feelings, you are showing that you recognize and care about the way the dynamics in your trauma bond impact your emotions and mood.
The best way to combat this is garnering as much support as possible from friends or family. Breaking a trauma bond becomes much more possible when there are people aware of your situation who can provide empathy and help when it's asked for and needed.
Trauma bonding is an attachment style that happens from a very intense emotional connection. Typically when this term is discussed, it is deemed as a negative experience. In this type of relationship, one partner or both usually end up being overly dedicated, attached, or loyal to someone who has toxic traits.